Oh how I know you want to see this picture!

Take your time and read that piece of paper real slow.

Doesn’t that feel good?

This morning was such a jumble of emotions I’m not even sure how to put them down on this blog. I was nervous leaving the house. My husband gave me a hug and I almost broke down crying. I decided that the water would be where I wanted to make this accomplishment. In the car, I cry. This is a moment that I’ve been working towards for the last 5 weeks and here it was. In the beginning I couldn’t even imagine what 20 minutes would be like but by the end of the run I would finally know…can I or can’t I?

I hear a lot of people saying how they modified their own c25k program. I came to the decision to follow through with how it’s set up. No repeats or modified times. I have to trust that coolrunning.com knows what they’re talking about when they made this program. They wouldn’t suggest running for 20 minutes if after all this work prior to today they didn’t think it could be done.

There would be no modification. Just a resolution to run with no interruption for 20 minutes. I stretched for an extra long time. Closed my eyes and saw what I wanted to see, took a deep breath and let Robert Ullrey coax me into starting.

Immediately my brain went into panic mode (“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” “YOU REALIZE THIS IS FOR 20 MINUTES RIGHT?!!?”). However I knew from previous experience that I could do 5 minutes easily and 8 minutes without any complications. So I talk myself out of that panic mode by remember that I don’t need to worry about anything until at least the 8 minute mark.

Robert tells me 5 mins is over. I do a quick check in: legs feel fine, calves feel a little burn, breathing normally.

Then he told me 8 minutes was over. I’m in a good place. Breathing is heavy but not out of control. I test this by saying “Tara, you deserve this”. Yep, sentence coming out easy. Now I’m in uncharted territory. No matter what happens from here I’m running farther today than I did Tuesday.

10 minutes! Time to turn around and head back from where I started. I’m in some strange zone now. This is the zone I’ve been waiting for. Not really attainable previously because by the time I reach it it’s time to stop and walk. The only way I can describe it is like when you’re driving and at some point you realize you weren’t really thinking about driving or what had happened during the previous minute or two. You can’t recall what you saw, what you were thinking and then all of sudden you know you’re driving again.

That’s the zone I was waiting for. I’m not thinking about my feet anymore. I’m just running. I’m not thinking about time any more. I’m just running. I’m not thinking about anything. I’m.Just.Running.

I have waited all my life for this. No joke. I’ve always wanted to be a runner. Ever since I can remember. I want to wear a number on my shirt and run with a bunch of other runners. Some faster. Some slower. I want to cross a finish line.

At some point Robert informs me that if I was running day two of this week I only had about 4 minutes left….quick calculation: I only had 2 minutes left of this 20 minute journey. I’m back in my head again. Time to focus. 18 minutes down. Slow and steady.

Like a kitten snuggling up and purring in my ear, Robert announces that if I was running day three my time was up.

Just like that, I’ve crossed over a threshold of this program. I’ve crested the top of the hill and I’m looking at the downward slope of getting to the goal of running my first 5k. For the next 3 weeks I’ll slowly be building up to a total of 30 minutes running non stop. Going from 8 minutes to 20 is the biggest jump. I’ve already done it. Going from 20 to 25, then 25 to 28 and finally 28 to 30 is nothing compared to what I just did today.

Tell me about your top of the hill and what do you see at the bottom?

Oh and hey, it’s my anniversary. On this day 6 years ago, I was screaming down I-5 to get to Portland Oregon to get married legally in the time limit allowed. For those that know me well you’ll know what I’m talking about. For those that don’t: I’m super queer**! That means I can’t get married legally to my partner. The person that I love more than anything else in this world. The person I would easily lay down my life. Except 6 years ago for a brief 72 hours Portland Oregon was issuing marriage licenses (right around the same as it’s big brother to the south California).

I got married on this day 6 years ago.

3 Weeks later the state of Oregon sent us a letter and a refund check telling up to rip up the license. It was no longer valid. Well F*ck you very much but if you don’t mind I’ll keep the license.

Oh and too all those straight couples that got married on the same day and divorced soon after…pffffffffffffffft.

**If you know me then you know my husband. Nuff said. If you don’t know me then it’s a little complicated. My husband was not always my husband. He was my girlfriend but never my boyfriend. He was my husband but never my wife. Still confused?