The Battle

North = my mind

South = my body

Neither of these armies are the enemy, and yet both sometimes play the “bad guy” in this battle over a lifestyle change. Today the bad guy was my mind. The battle went something like this:

It’s quiet outside, the clock ticks over to 6am. Beeeeep, Beeeeeep goes the alarm. Snooze once. Snooze twice. I feel the war going on.

North: “Stay in bed today. You don’t need to run today. Yes, I know it’s the last day of week 8, but please we need sleep”

South: “Get up soldier. I want to run today. MOVE MOVE MOVE!”

I lay there and think about my options.

I can stay in bed.

I can run tomorrow.

I can sleep in for an hour and then get up.

I can just skip the run and head to the gym.

North: “PLEASE STAY IN BED. YOU DON’T NEED TO GET UP!!!”

South: “If you don’t get out of this bed right now, you know you won’t get out of this bed tomorrow. LET’S GO!!

I finally throw back the covers. There is no motivation. Determination is a distant thought. I sit on the couch and think about how I’m going to get out this door.

I start with one shoe.

Then the other shoe.

I check my ipod shuffle to make sure I’m all cued up.

I open the door: Rain!

North: “Rain??!! Oh come on. You can’t be serious. Look here’s the excuse we’ve been waiting for. Get the dogs and go back to bed!”

South: “Seriously, are you going to let this be what deters you from running today? This weather makes you stronger. You know there won’t be anyone else on the track. 28 minutes isn’t going to kill you. GET IN THE CAR!”

I get to the track. Stretch. Start walking for warm-up…

North: “You won’t make it today. You’ll walk at some point. I just know it. You’re tired and look how hard it was for you to even get here. You should have stayed home.”

South: “What the hell is North talking about? You will make it today. This is the third time you’ve run for 28 minutes. You just have to go around the track 7.5 times to get to the 1.8ish mile you did on Tuesday. North, should just shut the hell up"

Lap #1 (.25 miles) – good

Lap #2 (.50 miles) – good

Lap #3 (.75 miles)- North: “Please, just walk a little bit. The wind is horrible”

Lap #4 (1.0 miles)- good. I get the halfway prompt from podcast.

Lap #5 (1.25 miles)- North: “Can you just walk for 1/4 of a lap? PLEASE!! I DON’T LIKE THIS ANYMORE. THE WIND! THE RAIN! LOOK YOU GOT OUT HERE OKAY, THAT’S GREAT, BUT DAMMIT THIS IS TOO MUCH. NO ONE WILL KNOW IF YOU JUST STOPPED RIGHT NOW.” (*I start crying because at this point I want North to win and I don’t want to keep running anymore)

South: “Oh for Pete’s sake shut your yapping. We’re almost done.”

Lap #6 (1.50 miles) – Good.

Lap #7 (1.75 miles) – Good

Lap #8 (2.0 miles) - North: “I knew you could do it!”

South: “(sigh) whatever”

3 sessions to go….

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As a reward for running the 28 minutes successfully despite the epic battle, I decide that a swim was in order. I head out to the gym. As I enter and head to the woman’s locker room I see a woman taking a set of stairs two at a time. I see she is struggling. This is part of her work out. She’s older and overweight but she is giving it her best. I stop to watch. She’s got that look of determination that makes you just want to start clapping. You can tell she’s in pain, but doesn’t want to give up. No one else seems to notice her. Everyone else just doing their thing, gettin their sweat on…

I noticed her.

Because that look on her face is what I was feeling this morning. I wanted to shout out “Keep going! You can do this! I felt the same way this morning”. I don’t. I just wait for her to get to the top.

She makes it.

She starts to cry on her way down.

I look at her when she reached the bottom.

“I cried too this morning”

Then we high fived each other and went about our business.

I swam 50 laps.

——————————————————————————————-

Yesterday I got home and my husband took one look at me and promptly ordered me to go out and buy a new pair of jeans. I’m having a hard time letting go of my old clothes. There is a lot of fear in losing weight, when it has been a part of you for so long. I know most people who have lost a significant amount of weight understand what I’m talking about.

With buying new clothes, there is an underlying fear that I may need them again some day. What if the weight comes back? Buying clothes when fat is already hard, but to do it when you are just starting out on a weight loss journey can be both exciting and stressful.

I can’t deny that my wardrobe is now too big for me.

So with strict instructions I went and bought a new pair:



The pair on the bottom is the pair I went shopping in.

The pair on the top is what I came home with.

This is one of the reasons why I’m moving more and eating less!