When I run in my neighborhood I often come across this beauty of advice when crossing the street:



As a child we’re taught not to cross the street until we’ve look both to the right and to the left of us, making sure we are in no danger of getting to the other side.

The other side was always our goal. Maybe it was to go to the candy store or the playground. Maybe it was to go to a friends house or to return home after a long day of hanging out on a summer day. We’re always told to look before crossing.

The reason I’m bringing this up is because while on this LCJ I’m learning that I have to look both ways before crossing. The looking isn’t to my left or right any longer.

It’s to my past and to my future.

I can’t look to my future until I make sure my past is safe. It wouldn’t do me any good to look to my future, make sure all is clear to cross only to find myself blindsided by something coming from the other direction. This is extremely difficult at times.

Most times.

Behaviors that I exhibit today are behaviors learned when I was a kid. Eating 6 full slices of french toast as a child left alone to cook for themselves, creates a massive eating disorder full of secrets as an adult. Stealing money as a child in order to buy cans of pie filling for dinner as a child leads to hording cash as an adult for fear of not having the ability to buy food. Perfection forced upon me as a child leads to constant worry of failure as an adult. Being left to fend for one’s self at a young age, leads to the inability to trust as an adult.

The past is a very intimidating thing to cross.

But how can I cross over to my future without looking both ways? I see my “other side”. It looks great over there. So many wonderful opportunities.

Full of moving and running.

Good choices and weight loss.

Love and happiness.

Acceptance and triumph.

Each time I’ve tried before to get over to the other side, something from my past hit me like a ton of bricks and I would go back to where I started. The next time I would be more determined and yet again when I tried to cross, my past prevented me from being successful.

Except this time.

This time I’m looking both ways.

I’m looking to my past in order to achieve my future. I’m afraid to fail so rarely make an attempt to succeed. I’m afraid of not having enough money so I work too much. I’m fearful that people will leave and not take care of me so I trust very few people. I’m afraid of losing weight because then I won’t have the one thing that has protected me my entire life, my fat.

Something funny starts to happen looking both ways.

You can actually cross over safely and successfully.

I write this post today because so many people are struggling with their journey to a better lifestyle. No matter what they try, they just can’t seem to get the scale to move in the right direction. They want to know why I’m having such success? I make it look easy they say. Give me some of what you got they ask. What I got, you don’t want. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy (well maybe my worst). What I have done in the past three months while it seems quite the accomplishment has been accompanied with hours of tears, days of doubt and fear, weeks of frustrations and months of determination to cross over the past in order to get to what I clearly see as my future.

Are you being blindsided because you’re not looking both ways?