It’s Wednesday.

I”m sore.

Almost unbearably sore.

I blame Superman and his idea of fun.

(It was kind of fun)

I’m having to will myself to walk down stairs.

My thighs are just about ready to revolt against me in this journey.

Yesterday I got on the elliptical for 60 minutes and sweated my ass off. Literally speaking of course but I’m pretty sure my ass is smaller. I actually stopped myself in a full length mirror at the gym and was like “Oh hey wait a minute, is that my butt?”

(the answer was yes!)

Today should have been a run day for me. As soon as I woke up I knew it wouldn’t be. I almost didn’t go to the gym because of my frustration level. I don’t like being sore and not being able to follow through with what I’ve planned. I don’t do well with change even something as simple as changing a routine at the gym.

I decide to give it a try and head to the gym. As soon as I start my warm up I know it’s a no go. However, I’m already at the gym so I have some options. All is not lost. I decide to head to the elliptical because I’m so frustrated that I need something to help me work through it.

I get to the 30 minute mark.

I am angry.

Angry that I’m overweight. Angry that a session with Superman has made me this sore. Angry that this journey is some serious hard work not only physically but emotionally as well. Angry that 40 years of unfavorable learned behavior won’t just undo itself in 4 months. Angry that this is a lifetime decision and while it’s a decision that will probably save my life, I never should have been at this crossroad in the beginning. I’m angry at my mother, my father, my brothers. I’m angry with myself. I want to get off the elliptical, throw a towel over my head, and scream like a 3 year old. I want to push the person next to me and provoke them into yelling at me just so I would have a good reason to clock them in the face. I want to break the mirror in front of me because the person looking back at me is weak, fat and unforgiving.

I did get off the elliptical.

I didn’t cover my face and scream like 3 year old. I smiled at the person next to me. I pointed to the person in the mirror and wiggled my finger for her to follow me.

I jumped on that treadmill and ran for a mile.

All is right in my world today.

How’s your world?