What I really wanted to do was title this post “Let’s get to know Tara” because what I’m about to write is probably going to be mundane and too much information (but not in a gross kind of way). If you’d like to bypass the first portion of this post and get to Sunday’s run please do so now.

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Okay, if you’re still here let’s get this out-of-the-way. I don’t like change. I hear lots of people say “oh me neither” but let me be very clear: I don’t like it one bit. I truly believe that had there been the same kind of understanding there is today about Autism Spectrum Disorders and proper diagnosis back in the 1970s I would fit the bill.

If anyone knows anything about ASD, change to a situation or to a routine can be hard to deal with. Even the smallest thing. For example, I work in a call center environment. That means there are multiple cubicles to choose from on any given day. This doesn’t work for me. I need to be able to sit in the same place everyday and I also don’t want anyone to sit in my cubicle because I have a terrible fear that something will be moved. In order to combat this fear, I had to make the decision to work full-time. Only full-time employees (which in my line of work as an interpreter is almost unheard of) get to have dedicated cubicles. I tell everyone that I took the full-time position for insurance and what not. In truth, it was too stressful to come to work and see someone sitting in what I had considered my cubicle and then go through this tiresome process of deciding where to sit – all the while panicking that items were being moved around in my cubicle.

Still don’t understand the severity of my issue with change…here’s another example. Every minute of my life is micro managed. From the time I wake up until the time I go to bed I know exactly what I’m doing, where I need to be and what is coming up next. Here’s my schedule:

5:00a – wake up

5:15a – chores.

5:30a – brush teeth, get dressed

5:45a – 15 minute computer time

6:00a – leave the house and go to the gym (typically I’ll also eat a banana)

6:15a – arrive at the gym

6:30 – begin workout. (Mondays and Thursdays are Superman days)

7:30 – end workout.

7:35 – shower, dressed for work

8:00a – leave gym and head to first job. Here I eat the same thing everyday: a peanut butter sandwich

8:30a – 12 noon – First job at comm college (I interpret the same set of classes everyday for 3 months at a time. I’m given ample opportunity to get ready for the next quarter as I usually know my schedule weeks in advance). This is a part-time job.

12:00p – drive to my second job (my full-time job). I often drive in the same lane each day on the interstate (2nd from the left). I arrive early to make sure that everything is in its place and to see where everyone else is sitting.

1:00p – 7:00p – Work my full-time job (unless it’s Friday and then I work from 2:30 – 11p. Because I start later on Fridays, I eat lunch out at the same place every Friday and have the same thing for lunch – Veggie Pho with extra Tofu or I will go to trader joe’s and stock up my food at work.)

7:00p – Go home (here I like to drive in the 3rd lane from the left)

7:30p – Arrive home and pack my bag for gym the next morning (this includes grabbing my banana and making peanut butter sandwich for the next morning)

8:00p – 9:00p – Eat dinner with husband, watch a little tv, spend time with the dogs.

9:00 – 9:30 – read in bed and fall asleep.

Rinse Repeat Mon – Fri. I find comfort in this schedule. It keeps me calm. If anything doesn’t follow that plan, it can be upsetting to the point of no return. That’s what happen to me today and that’s what this whole explanation was about.

So today is Monday.

Superman day.

6:30a comes around and no Superman. Already my heart is racing. I go back to my gym locker (which btw, I use the same one everyday and if it’s in use I have 2 others that I can choose from) to check to see if he called. Nope. Okay no worries, just go stretch some more. 6:35a and no Superman. Okay so it may not seem like a big deal to the average Joe but to me now I’m starting to panic. By the time 6:45a rolls around and still no Superman I’ve worked myself into a full-fledged frenzy. I finally go to the front desk to which they inform me that he is indeed out sick and the lady working overlooked letting me know when I first got there.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

You’re probably thinking to yourself “Tara, just go work out for Pete’s sake”…not in my world people. It’s Monday. Monday = Superman. Monday =/= impromptu workout. I try the elliptical. Nope. I try boxing. Nope. I try even just running on the treadmill as fast as possible to work through this freak out. Nope. Granted I didn’t walk out and just give up on breaking a sweat (and this my friends is a break-through) but it was so unproductive and has pretty much messed my entire Monday up. I need to figure out a way to let Superman know to call me if he can’t make it but without having to say “oh BTW yea your newest client a little on the panicky side if things don’t stay the same”…

Seriously some days it’s hard to live with me.

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So I’ve been thinking about last week and my runs that didn’t really happened. I’ve been reading Josie’s (http://www.35andshrinking.com) blog about not using the c25k any longer and thought about my own dependency to the podrunner “Gateway to 8k”. I did run 3.22 miles on the treadmill last week Saturday but the rest of the week I struggled to even get to 1.5 miles. Granted some of that was because I was sore but I was also missing something.

Freedom

Freedom to just run. It was during the last weeks of c25k that I really started to enjoy what I was doing. 20+ minutes of just running. I began to wonder if relying on the podrunner intervals to make me a better runner was a mistake. I got up Sunday morning, popped in my iPod ear buds (minus the running podcast) and just let my feet take me where they wanted to go. I would run until I couldn’t and walk when I needed to. I ran as far as I could go, took a break and had to turn around and come home….90 minutes after walking out my door, I sat down at the computer and mapped my route.

5.5 miles!

I couldn’t believe it. I ran for about 85% of the time so even if I subtracted that it was still 4.6 miles of pure unadulterated running. I’m going to seriously have to consider leaving my running to the outdoors. I think at this point I’m going to forego the pod runner interval program as well. This means I’ll have to put my running off until the weekends for now as that’s when I have the most time. If I seriously want to run on the treadmill it will be only for short amounts of time in conjunction with other stuff (like running stairs or sit-ups). It was pure awesomeness! I am so close to an 8k I can taste it and it takes like victory!

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My “NO GYM” declaration went well this weekend. Since I don’t like change (see above) it was harder than I anticipated. Saturday I had an all day workshop so that made it a little easier. When I got a little overwhelmed with the crowd I ran 10 flights of stairs. Sunday was even harder just because I didn’t really set out a plan to fill the day. The run helped clear my mind and also gave me time to set out a clear course for what the day would look like. Lots of yard work (including mowing the nice older lady’s lawn next door to mine), cleaning the house, doing some laundry and getting ready for what would come to be known as “Craptastic Monday”!

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A little side note. I saw a number on the scale this morning that I’ve not seen since 1995. If all goes as planned and I work my ass off this week (which you can believe I will) I will be forging a new category on my blog: 210 – 219.