PRNCSSGRL's CalorieKing blog
Wednesday, May 5 2010 - In search of normalcy / 12.10 / picture proof.
View PRNCSSGRL's food & exercise for this day
*Deep sigh*
The last three days have been well they just have been. I am walking around in a cloud of confusion and disappointment. Sadness and anger. I havent slept well. I havent eaten well. Im definitely not drinking enough water. The only saving grace is Ive been to the gym every morning and sweating through my feelings as I tackle another day.
Ive been with my brother for the last three days and it has sapped any semblance of normalcy out of my life. I need to get that back so I am taking the next three days and leaving him in the hospital so he can think about the decisions that lay ahead of him while I return to my regular scheduled life.
Without going into too much detail, my brother is in a bad place. Hes detoxing from alcohol and is pretty much helpless at this point. No motor skills. Confused. Hallucinating and if you ask me very lucky to be alive (but if you ask him, he may say differently).
I cant help him any longer. This is his battle. I will return to the hospital Saturday and give him an ultimatum: In patient treatment or Im cutting off my relationship for good. I will not spend the next (insert random # of months, years) returning to the emergency room to find him hooked up to a ventilator. I wont watch as he hallucinates that people who are no longer living are standing in front of him as he has non-existent conversations with them.
I will not be a casualty in his war.
_____________________________________________________________
Yesterday I ran a 12.10 mile on the treadmill. Im going to try and run a mile every morning on the treadmill since I cant run during the week. I was trying to push myself to run much longer in the previous weeks but it wasnt working. Knowing Im only on there for a mile turns it into a game. I got the up to 6.0mph and it was awesome. I was running so fast. It was only for short time (2 minutes tops) but because it was so fast I could bump it down to 5.0mph and feel like I was walking
_____________________________________________________________
My war wounds are coming along nicely.
This means 2 things for tomorrows date with Superman: No Planks and no Captains chair! Woot woot!
P.S. Thanks everyone for all the nice comments over the last couple of days. It really means a lot to me. I wont be able to respond to everyone comments but please know they have been a tremendous help over the last couple of days!
The last three days have been well they just have been. I am walking around in a cloud of confusion and disappointment. Sadness and anger. I havent slept well. I havent eaten well. Im definitely not drinking enough water. The only saving grace is Ive been to the gym every morning and sweating through my feelings as I tackle another day.
Ive been with my brother for the last three days and it has sapped any semblance of normalcy out of my life. I need to get that back so I am taking the next three days and leaving him in the hospital so he can think about the decisions that lay ahead of him while I return to my regular scheduled life.
Without going into too much detail, my brother is in a bad place. Hes detoxing from alcohol and is pretty much helpless at this point. No motor skills. Confused. Hallucinating and if you ask me very lucky to be alive (but if you ask him, he may say differently).
I cant help him any longer. This is his battle. I will return to the hospital Saturday and give him an ultimatum: In patient treatment or Im cutting off my relationship for good. I will not spend the next (insert random # of months, years) returning to the emergency room to find him hooked up to a ventilator. I wont watch as he hallucinates that people who are no longer living are standing in front of him as he has non-existent conversations with them.
I will not be a casualty in his war.
_____________________________________________________________
Yesterday I ran a 12.10 mile on the treadmill. Im going to try and run a mile every morning on the treadmill since I cant run during the week. I was trying to push myself to run much longer in the previous weeks but it wasnt working. Knowing Im only on there for a mile turns it into a game. I got the up to 6.0mph and it was awesome. I was running so fast. It was only for short time (2 minutes tops) but because it was so fast I could bump it down to 5.0mph and feel like I was walking
_____________________________________________________________
My war wounds are coming along nicely.
This means 2 things for tomorrows date with Superman: No Planks and no Captains chair! Woot woot!
P.S. Thanks everyone for all the nice comments over the last couple of days. It really means a lot to me. I wont be able to respond to everyone comments but please know they have been a tremendous help over the last couple of days!
9 comments so far.
9.
a decade ago
I don't have any words of wisdom to share with you. Just know I wish you the very best and for you to remain strong. I'm super proud that you have continued your dates in this lifestyle change...when many would have given up because of so much chaos occuring around them you have not--this shows your dedication to the cause. Semper Fi!
by PAPERBACKNOVEL
8.
a decade ago
The strength that you have shown in trying to deal with you brother is amazing. Sometimes we have to relize that our loved ones need to help themselves before we can really help them. My heart goes out to you with the decision that lies ahead of you. And I agree whole heartedly with Sheetal, it is okay to be selfish and put your own life, health and well-being at the top of the list, you have to take care of yourself first. Much love to you girl.
:thumbu2: At first I thought you said that you ran 12.10 miles too, I was like holey cow...that with no sleep too!! Glad to know that your not super-woman, just a super woman. 
:love:
Way to go on your speedy mileage girl!! Here she comes, here comes speed racer!! Go speed GO!! Your doing great. I can't imagine running at a 6.0 pace just yet but we both will get there...in time that will seem like walking to us.
by TNYBUBBLZ
7.
a decade ago
Amazing run you did girl! WTG
:)
Ouch on the rug burns, but they are also awsome knowing how hard you worked to get them. You should go in with elbow pads on next time you see superman
I know you are in a bad place now, but you are doing what is right for you and your brother. He needs time to reflect and decide what his future is, noone can do that for him. I am so proud of you for getting to the gym each morning.
We are all here for you! Sending lots of love your way!
by MRSDSB
6.
a decade ago
Oh, that burn is nasty.
I know a few people on CK who have to deal with family addictions. I don't envy you one bit for what you are going through - it takes a strength I don't have. Just remember you are allowed to be selfish when it comes to your health and well-being.
And as for your 12.10 min/mile..... KICK A$$!
by HAPPYNSWEET77CHI
5.
a decade ago
I'm glad your brother's situation has stabilized and that you are able to sort through this and be strong. A person in detox (and then rehab) needs to spend quality time by themselves learning to realize that life is important to them. I hope that you can get the rest and good food that you need for those great work outs.
by AARON_GREENE
4.
a decade ago
It's never easy, is it? We can tell ourselves to act with pragmatic reason, we can make declarations that our responses to family and their self-imposed chaos will change, but at the end of the day, we often just care too much. But, it sounds as if you're in a place that you are choosing to care for yourself, too. That's a really healthy thing, and it's not selfish in a pejorative sense. It doesn't diminish your love for your brother or your hope/prayers for better days ahead . . . . it simply strengthens your resolve to be a survivor of the situation. I can really identify with your "I will not be a casualty of this war" declaration, and I support you completely. You love your brother, and you'll be there for when he realizes this unhealthy behavior needs to stop. Until then, keep channeling your emotions and frustrations as need be, and don't let them get buried or hidden.
Sending you much needed support.
by ROSERENE
3.
a decade ago
Sending positive thoughts your way.
:heart2:
Way to go on the running! You are doing really well!
by KOBEE
2.
a decade ago
Sending hugs your way... I know how it is to worry about brothers and well other family members too. Hopefully things will look up and he will be accepting to get some help.
Ouchie on the war wounds... kudos for being superwoman fast though!
by ANIMOSUS777
1.
a decade ago
(((HUGS))) Family... *sigh*
:cross2:
12.10 mile is awesome! It took me forever (or what seemed like forever) to get to that pace. At first I saw 12.10 miles! I thought, dang, she sure is upping her mileage!
by AWH617