PRNCSSGRL's CalorieKing blog
Saturday, May 8 2010
View PRNCSSGRL's food & exercise for this day
I knew it when I wrote yesterday's post that today would be the first time in this journey that I would have a gain. You try to not let it get to you but it's hard. I try to say "it's only 2.2 pounds" but with what's been happening to me this week it feels like a ton. I try to stay in the moment but I can hear that old tape recorder warming up in my head saying things like "I knew you would gain eventually", "All that hard work and still you failed", "Everyone knows you can't do this", "You're so lazy", "I hate you"....
I shouldn't be this emotional over such a small number but I'm not going to lie to you. I am. I know it's much more than that as well. I know I should be working towards letting this past week go and looking toward next week as I work through this situation with my brother. If ever I needed the ability to dig in my heels, draw the line and get back to business it's this week.
Week 0 = 263.5 (-0.0)
Week 1 = 257.4 (-6.1)
Week 2 = 255.0 (-2.4)
Week 3 = 254.6 (-.4)
Week 4 = 253.8 (-.8) *I started c25k
Week 5 = 248.2 (-5.6)
Week 6 = 247.2 (-1.0)
Week 7 = 246.2 (-1.0)
Week 8 = 244.4 (-1.8)
Week 9 = 241.0 (-3.4)
Week 10 = 240.6 (-.4)
Week 11 = 238.0 (-2.6)
Week 12 = 234.8 (-3.2)
Week 13 = 232.8 (-2.0)
Week 14 = 230.0 (-2.8) *graduated c25k
Week 15 = 227.8 (-2.2)
Week 16 = 225.6 (-2.2)
Week 17 = 222.4 (-3.2)
Week 18 = 219.2 (-3.2)
Week 19 = 221.4 (+2.2) *The situation
The day's between Week 18 and Week 19 were extremely stressful. Emotionally I managed to keep my head above water. In the past this wouldn't have happened. I would have sat in a cesspool of feelings that did nothing but keep me down. I went to the gym everyday this week regardless of my emotional state and as soon as I post this I'm putting my gym bag together to go and swim until I cry (which really considering how I'm feeling right now the crying will start in about 3 seconds).
The hardest part about this is my weigh in on Monday with Superman. There will be a gain and I feel like I want to lie and say "I ate too much" (which I didn't, if anything I didn't eat enough this week) because I don't know how to say "it's stress gain" without having an emotional breakdown.
I know I probably sound like a whiny baby. I feel like it for sure. There's so much more to this than just those damn 2.2 pounds. I will stay in the moment. I will move forward. I do not weigh 263 pounds any longer. The scale does not define me. I will fight. I will allow myself to feel. I will let go. I will be free.
I shouldn't be this emotional over such a small number but I'm not going to lie to you. I am. I know it's much more than that as well. I know I should be working towards letting this past week go and looking toward next week as I work through this situation with my brother. If ever I needed the ability to dig in my heels, draw the line and get back to business it's this week.
Week 0 = 263.5 (-0.0)
Week 1 = 257.4 (-6.1)
Week 2 = 255.0 (-2.4)
Week 3 = 254.6 (-.4)
Week 4 = 253.8 (-.8) *I started c25k
Week 5 = 248.2 (-5.6)
Week 6 = 247.2 (-1.0)
Week 7 = 246.2 (-1.0)
Week 8 = 244.4 (-1.8)
Week 9 = 241.0 (-3.4)
Week 10 = 240.6 (-.4)
Week 11 = 238.0 (-2.6)
Week 12 = 234.8 (-3.2)
Week 13 = 232.8 (-2.0)
Week 14 = 230.0 (-2.8) *graduated c25k
Week 15 = 227.8 (-2.2)
Week 16 = 225.6 (-2.2)
Week 17 = 222.4 (-3.2)
Week 18 = 219.2 (-3.2)
Week 19 = 221.4 (+2.2) *The situation
The day's between Week 18 and Week 19 were extremely stressful. Emotionally I managed to keep my head above water. In the past this wouldn't have happened. I would have sat in a cesspool of feelings that did nothing but keep me down. I went to the gym everyday this week regardless of my emotional state and as soon as I post this I'm putting my gym bag together to go and swim until I cry (which really considering how I'm feeling right now the crying will start in about 3 seconds).
The hardest part about this is my weigh in on Monday with Superman. There will be a gain and I feel like I want to lie and say "I ate too much" (which I didn't, if anything I didn't eat enough this week) because I don't know how to say "it's stress gain" without having an emotional breakdown.
I know I probably sound like a whiny baby. I feel like it for sure. There's so much more to this than just those damn 2.2 pounds. I will stay in the moment. I will move forward. I do not weigh 263 pounds any longer. The scale does not define me. I will fight. I will allow myself to feel. I will let go. I will be free.
5 comments so far.
5.
a decade ago
Girl I can't tell you how many times that scale has done that to me. I know it is stressful and it tears at every ounce of resolve that you have but you can get through this. You are amazing and you know already that the gain is only because of stress. It will go back down and will continue to go down. dont let it dishearten you.
:kiss: Your a warrior princess remember!!! 
:thumbu2:
by TNYBUBBLZ
4.
a decade ago
We know there is no linear motion in weight loss but our emotions don't *know* this. Don't suppress and push down your emotions/stress - let them out, acknowledge and face each one. Have a cry and a scream/wail or two. You are a strong woman. A warrior woman. A very inspiring woman. You WILL get through this time. Have a hug...
:kiss:
by MAURABARTLEY
3.
a decade ago
Tara, you go ahead and cry and get it out of your system. You are on the right track and it is not a straight line. The scale will wiggle and jiggle but it will take you to your destination. Don't let it define you. Ane don't let that voice in your head put you down. Have you ever identifield the voice? often that helps to refute it. I wish you the best.
:heart2:
by JULIETTEBECKER
2.
a decade ago
Not every week will go in the direction you want. Unfortunately that is rarely true for us. However, you can control your reaction to what you see on that scale. Sounds like you already know what the cause is.
So this week, focus instead on what you accomplished off the scale. Hello 12 minute mile queen? You know I have barely done that myself? You have convinced myself to push myself during my 5K tomorrow.
by HAPPYNSWEET77CHI
1.
a decade ago
I hate that tape recorder. Put it on the floor and smash it or record over it.
:love:
I can do this, a little bump in the road is just that, once I roll over it, it will seem like nothing and for the rest of my journey I will not even remember it.
When you drive in your car do you stop it just because there is a pothole? HELL NO! Don't let those inner voices make you turn around because there is a whole lot of cool things coming down this road. Heck yeah!
I know you will push forward, and though I have had a bad week here and there, I need to also listen to my own advice.
by ANIMOSUS777