If I’ve learned anything while on this journey it’s the following: Be patient with yourself. Some days you’re going to feel like you’re zipping along at 150 mph and nothing can stop you. Other days you’re going to feel like getting out of bed is an emotional chore that you just can’t seem to accomplish.

May was like that for me.

I’ve had some very tough days in May. Particularly the week my brother was in the hospital and this last week. It was hard to remember the “Be Patient with Yourself” rule as I muddled through the weeks crying, spending endless days at the hospital, looking at a stranger in the mirror and getting hurt. Even though I didn’t feel like I was being patient, I survived both weeks a stronger person with much more clarity about what this journey means to me.

I’m ending May on a positive note.

I walked a half marathon. I ran a total of 19 miles (not including the 13.1 mile walk). I swam 800 laps (11.4 miles). I donated 6 bags of clothes to a local charity. I ran my first 5k almost 3 minutes faster than anticipated. I lost 10.6 pounds. I kept moving even when I didn’t think I could. I went to the gym even if it meant I cried in the car first and I’ve learned that I might go in feeling like crap, but always come out feeling better. I left a lot of sweat on the floor of the gym and I’m looking to leave even more come June.

A lot more!

There are some major changes coming in June. The first and foremost is my work schedule will be much more manageable starting tomorrow. Gone are the days of working 52+ hours/week. Gone are the days of getting up between 430a – 5a to get to the gym before work. Gone are the days of coming home exhausted with just enough energy to eat, pack my gym bag and crawl into bed.

I worked so much because it defined who I was a person.

I’m going to try and change that way of thinking over the summer. I’m going down to 32 hours a week and keeping my current afternoon work schedule (1-7 most days) so that my mornings will be free. I will be running more. I will be swimming more. I will be biking more. I will begin training for the September triathlon. I will give 200% every time I see Superman. Work will no longer be the only thing that defines me as a person. My strength, my determination and my sheer desire to be a better person will also define me. If I thought I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror last week…

You can bet I won’t recognize myself by the end of August either.

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Superman.

kicked my ass.

I needed it.

But.

I kicked his too.

About half way through our session he had me do an iron chair squat. Its where you stand against a wall and then squat down in an imaginary chair with your arms straight out. He says “go one minute or as long as you can”. It hurt almost immediately. I don’t know how the hell I managed to stay in that position for a full minute but I did.

I thought we would do it once.

He said again.

I squat down and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t going to last a minute. Every time I dropped my arms he would just look at me and say “Don’t give up”. My legs are shaking. The sweat is pouring off of me. A minute feels like an eternity.

Sixty seconds later I slide down to the floor.

He said again.

I just looked at him like he was crazy. He smiled and said “you got this”. Up I go and into position. The entire time he’s watching me like he’s got something to tell me. At 30 seconds he starts a countdown. At 30 seconds I start to wonder if he’s going to ask me to do this a fourth time. At 20 seconds I’ve got snot running down my nose (so classy) and I’ve closed my eyes cause I just don’t want to quit. At 10 seconds I start to think “WTF” shouldn’t it be over by now. He’s sitting across from me and counts down 5…4…3…2…1. I relax my legs and slump to the floor. I curl up in what I’m sure was pretty close to the fetal position and he said the following: “No one, I’ve ever trained has ever gone three rounds, for three minutes on their first time…no one!”

I aim to please.