I spent seven years on this highway. I got on this road right after an emotional break up when I was 31. I walked into my doctors office, filled out a questionnaire measuring my level of depression (off the charts) and was given a prescription for Paxil. Within 6 months I was up to 40 mg a day, feeling better and never a word from my doctor about the other avenues I could take to combat my depression. Not once were the words “nutrition”, “exercise”, “cognitive behavior therapy” or just plain old “take care of your past to get to your future” mentioned. I thought because I was able to function as an adult (go to work, pay my bills and maintain a relationship) on some level of normalcy I was no longer depressed. After seven long years I decided that enough was enough. I didn’t want to be tied to a pill every morning. I wanted off that highway and I wanted off of it right quick. At the age of 38 I decided to stop my medication.

I quit cold turkey.

I know, I know. It was probably one of the stupidest things I’ve done but also one of the smartest. Yes, I had horrible withdrawals. I spent many a day laying across the back of my couch (not on the cushions, literally on the back like a cat) wondering if this was my life forever. I ached all over for weeks. Insomnia became my closest friend. Yes it was stupid, but I stuck with it. I knew it wouldn’t be like this forever (even though at times it felt that way). I let my body feel what it needed to feel and got through to the end.

A month later and all has subsided.

I thought I had conquered depression. I wasn’t medicated and I was still functioning. I was wrong. I was just a functioning depressed person. Over the next two years I became more lethargic and less motivated / less in the moment / more withdrawn from life and just plain old sad. I got to my highest weight of 275 and life was at a stand still. I had seriously just accepted things and thought this was the way life was going to be for me.

In June of 2009 I watched the love of my life make a huge life changing decision that would also put me on the path to rediscovering myself (or discovering for the first time since I’ve never really known who I was). I didn’t know that six months later I would embark on one of the hardest adventures of my life. I started putting into plan the words the doctors failed to educate me about nine years previous. I started examining my nutritional habits (bad), my exercise habits (non-existant), and started intense therapy to look at my past to find the way to my future. I took the first step to begin a journey that would not only help me to become physically stronger but emotionally stronger as well. It has by no means been easy. I’ve seen some dark times in the last six months. I’ve had my fair share of bumps in the road. What I thought were set-backs were just experiences to learn from and move forward. One bad situation does not end the story but rather adds to the complexity of where I want to go. I can say without a doubt the following statement and know it to be true:

“Today I am no longer a functioning depressed person.”

You want to know how I know this?

My next door neighbor (whom I consider a close friend) said to me this morning: ” I love that you have a bounce in your step now“. Not only are the physical changes apparent but my emotional changes are just as obvious. I am a different person now.

No matter where you are on your path or what you are trying to do, please don’t give up. Whether it’s 6 days, 6 months or 6 years the changes are coming.

You’re worth it.

Your life will thank you.