I made some immediate goals for this past weekend. One was to spend at least 90 minutes at the gym both Saturday and Sunday. The other was to try the some new classes offered at the gym. To know me is to know I don’t do well in social situations. I avoid them like the plague. But this strange thing is happening now that I’ve been on this LCJ for almost six months.

I kind of don’t want to avoid them anymore.

I kind of want to be around people now. I’m not looking to have some serious parties at my house anytime soon, but I am definitely interested in spending more time with the masses. I am what is typically known as a “parallel player”. If you’ve ever watched a group of children play house and notice one child sort of playing in the same area but separately from the group (maybe playing a one child version of house) and they do it often, they would be “parallel players”. Most children grow out of it. I however, did not. I can go to Starbucks alone for hours and sit amongst the people. Sit with someone and it’s over in about 30 minutes. I can go to the mall and roam around for endless hours. Go shopping with me and maybe I’ll hit one store. I spend far too much time wondering about the logistics of the visit (how long, when is it over, what do we talk about) that I often don’t enjoy the visit. Some of my friends are very good at having structured visits but even those are few and far between.

I am ready to move out of my comfort zone.

It wasn’t even really a comfort zone I guess. More of a prison with the walls built out of Depression / Anxiety / Self Loathing. So it’s time I start to look into improving my social skills. Since I am comfortable at the gym (again a great parallel play situation) I thought I’d start there. I picked two classes happening last Sunday back to back: Step and Yoga.

The Step class was pretty awesome. Fast paced and not a whole lot of opportunity to shake anyone’s hand and say “Hi my name is Tara and I’m trying to be social”. I got some good laughs with the woman in front of me as we both stuggled to keep up with the moves. I did place myself in the back (I’m assuming that’s where the newbies go) so that also made it harder to interact but I was there and I stayed for the entire class (Go me!).

The Yoga class was even better. I did this class a few weeks ago but put myself way in the back of the room. It had a fill in instructor that week. I ventured a little closer to the front this time (not too close though) but the regular instructor had everyone move up into a straight line right up front (GULP!) and then she asked if anyone was new to Yoga which I raised my little non-social hand. The woman next to me introduced herself and said she’d been doing Yoga for years so to ask if she had any questions.

Ninety minutes later I was done and had just participated in two successful classes. I didn’t freak out. I didn’t spend the entire time wondering what everyone else was thinking. I didn’t wonder about what I was going to say if someone approached me. I didn’t wonder if I was doing something wrong. I didn’t obsess over the clock. I participated to the best of my abilities.

I just was.

And it was awesome!

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I’ve been having a mental block about running lately. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. I’m quickly loving it more and more with better weather and more time to actually get out there and “kiss the earth” (Thanks Jess!). I’ve broken in my vibrams and within the first week of actually running in them I ran a 5k without stopping (first time ever). My mental block is with distance. I’ve been stuck at that 3.1 mark and too afraid to go past it. I can’t really explain why but for weeks now I’ve been mentally trying to break free from the 5k length. I’m watching all my other VBB(s) that took up running and I see them adding more miles to their runs and I’m wondering why I can’t do the same.

Last night after reading Ed’s blog (Monday315) and his 10 mile running challenge I started really examining that mental block. I just needed to get out there and run past the 3.1 in much the same way I needed to run to the 3.1 when I first started the c25k program. I need to know I’m not restricted to just doing a 5k. I need to know I can go farther. No let me rephrase that I have to know. So last night I mapped out a route that would not only take me past 3.1 but would put me pretty far from my starting point once I hit that 3.1 mark. I’ve gone farther in the past but there was a lot of walking involved. I don’t want to walk anymore. I want to run and run the entire time.

I went to bed with the anticipation of kicking this 3.1 in the ass.

I woke up sore as hell.

My 120 flights of stairs a few days previous and attempt at being social caught up to me and my calves had a different idea about running past that mental block. Bummed out I went to the gym with the notion of just doing something low key for an hour and then heading into work.

I hopped on the treadmill and thought “well I’ll just walk” for a bit. About 10 minutes into the walk, it donned on me: MY CALVES DON’T HURT! It didn’t take me but a quick wave to the lady at the front desk and a exclamation of “I’ll be back in about an hour” and I was out the door. I had the route laid out (starting point – gym – smart Tara) so it was just a matter of shutting my brain off and turning my legs on.

I shut that brain off.

I turned those legs on.



I ran 5.0 miles.

I didn’t stop. I didn’t complain. I just did it. I drifted in and out of thinking about what I was doing (more out than in lol) and it was delicious. Once I hit that 3.1 mark I knew the only thing I could do was keep running. I’m not a walker. I’m a runner. I woke up this morning and ran 5.0 miles. I didn’t walk/run. I ran. Once I made my way back to the gym: I cried.

I’m sure everyone in the gym thought something was wrong, but I was crying because I broke that mental block. I was crying because I wanted something and I went out and got it!

GAME ON!!!

Every time I run I won’t be thinking about that 3.1 number anymore. I’ll be thinking about better numbers: 10k, 12k, half marathon and beyond!

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I haven’t heard from Superman since he canceled last Friday. In fact, no one has heard from him. This can’t be good. I talked with another trainer and he said if I come in and he’s not with a client he’ll do a session with me. I’m not looking to switch and leave Superman, but it has been almost a month since our last session together. Granted much of that time was vacation related but he’s never not called before so I’m thinking something serious has come up. If I don’t hear from him by tomorrow I’m going to set up an appointment with Chuck for Thursday. From there we’ll just play it by ear until we know whether or not Superman is coming back.