So I have been on 1250 cals for sometime now. I am not exactly sure how long... but long enough to know that if I don't up my calorie target I am going to go bonkers. There must be something mentally wrong with me because seeing that green check really makes me feel good at the end of the day but when I am 200 calories away from 1250 I feel like giving up and eating everything in sight because that's such a hard thing to do at the end of the day... to find a 200 calorie meal.

I feel very deprived lately and it's not because I want to stuff my face with McDonalds. It's because I want to eat more... but more of the good stuff. You know?

Reading about a clean lifestyle and reading about the clean philosophy of "it doesn't matter how many calories, just watch portion and eat clean and you will become lean," I am afraid that I am depriving myself too much and it might be affecting my metabolism. I do not want this long term effect. However, I have been very successful on CK and I intend to finish this journey but 1250 may be just too low for me.

I have been mostly eating my calories back because I feel insane if I don't. And if I don't exercise, forget it! I want to eat everything in sight and there is NO budget for that.

It made me feel good to read Aliza's post about 1400 calories being her minimum because I feel more confident upping mine. I have been very active and running consistently 3 times per week... so I think 1350 is a good place to start. I will give it a week or two and see how it goes, and how I feel.

Yesterday I was ready to throw in the towel and just say "screw it" and be done... to just adjust my goal to 145 and maintain. But DANG IT I want to reach my goal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will not stop. I cannot stop.

I am frustrated that a week after clean eating I am actually up from my 144 low of the month. 145.8 is NOT what I wanted to see at my morning weigh-in today. It just has not budged. Usually I see a loss of 0.1 or something... but it just hasn't moved.

We shall see what happens....