RAEANNESISSON's CalorieKing blog
Sunday, May 30 2010 - women food and god
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i am reading geneen roth's book "women food and god" and it is so far very insightful. i have read the first few chapters and i can totally identify with what she has to say and also with the women who she talks about that attend her retreats.
for one.. many people believe that they would be happy if they just lost weight. this is somewhat backwards because most people find that after a diet they still feel the same baggage as before and the same need to feed the emptiness/sadness/etc is still there.
i am finding this and i am aware of it.. i do feel better slimmer, but it is so true that the same issues are here waiting to be dealt with.
i am learning that i use things to escape... work, working out, food, being online, etc. and i need to be more in the present moment. my fear is that if i am in the present moment and i have nothing to do, then i might want to eat... because that's my "go to" for when i am bored, sad, upset, mad, happy... you name it.
this part was a checklist of how i feel/have felt my entire life:
"to discover what you really believe, pay attention to the way you act -- and to what you do when things don't go the way you think they should. pay attention to what you value. pay attention to how and on what you spend your time. your money. and pay attention to the way you eat.
you will quickly discover if you believe the world is a hostile place and that you need to be in control of the immediate universe for things to go smoothly. you will discover if you believe there is not enough to go around and that taking more than you need is necessary for survival. you will find out if you believe that being quiet is unbearable, and that being alone means being lonely. if feeling your feelings means being destroyed. if being vulnerable is for sissies or if opening to love is a big mistake. and you will discover how you use food to express each one of these core beliefs."
another part that struck me..
"and the truth is, it's not about the weight. it's never been about the weight. when a pill is discovered that allows people to eat whatever they want and not gain weight, the feelings and situations they turned to food to avoid will still be there, and they will find more inventive ways to numb themselves. in groundhog day, when he realized he wasn't going to gain weight by eating a thousand cherry pies, bill murray ate like there was no tomorrow (and, in the movie, there wasn't). but the charge dissipated as soon as he realized he could have as much food as he wanted without the usual consequences. when you take the charge away, all that's left is a no-big-deal piece of cherry pie. and when you finish the pie, the thing that had to do with the pie -- that drove you to it -- is still there."
and lastly...
"the bottom line, whether you weigh 150 or 340 lbs, is that when you eat when you are not hungry you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. food is only the middleman, the means to an end. of altering your emotions. of making yourself numb. of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable. of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent, and very, very short -- even at 100 years old -- life. the means to these ends happens to be food, but it could be alcohol, it could be work, it could be sex, cocaine. Surfing the internet. talking on the phone.
for a variety of reasons we don't fully understand, those of us who are compulsive eaters choose food. not because of its taste. not because of its texture or its color. we want quantity, volume, bulk. we need it -- a lot of it -- to go unconscious. to wipe out what's going on. the unconsciousness is what's important, not the food.
sometimes people will say "but i just like the taste of food. in fact, i love the taste! why can't it be that simple? i overeat because i like food." but. when you like something you pay attention to it. when you like something -- love something -- you take time with it. you want to be present for every second of the rapture.
overeating does not lead to rapture. it leads to burping and farting and being so sick that you can't think of anything but how full you are. that's not love, that's suffering.
weight is a by-product. weight is what happens when you use food to flatten your life. even with aching joints, it's not about food. even with arthritis, diabetes, high bp. it's about your desire to flatten your life. it's about the fact that you've given up without saying so. it's about your belief that it's not possible to live any other way -- and you are using food to act that out without ever having to admit it."
WOW. just .... wow.
with 114 lbs gone, i so obviously still have a lot of work to do emotionally. this book is a good start, and i am "hungry" for more.
for one.. many people believe that they would be happy if they just lost weight. this is somewhat backwards because most people find that after a diet they still feel the same baggage as before and the same need to feed the emptiness/sadness/etc is still there.
i am finding this and i am aware of it.. i do feel better slimmer, but it is so true that the same issues are here waiting to be dealt with.
i am learning that i use things to escape... work, working out, food, being online, etc. and i need to be more in the present moment. my fear is that if i am in the present moment and i have nothing to do, then i might want to eat... because that's my "go to" for when i am bored, sad, upset, mad, happy... you name it.
this part was a checklist of how i feel/have felt my entire life:
"to discover what you really believe, pay attention to the way you act -- and to what you do when things don't go the way you think they should. pay attention to what you value. pay attention to how and on what you spend your time. your money. and pay attention to the way you eat.
you will quickly discover if you believe the world is a hostile place and that you need to be in control of the immediate universe for things to go smoothly. you will discover if you believe there is not enough to go around and that taking more than you need is necessary for survival. you will find out if you believe that being quiet is unbearable, and that being alone means being lonely. if feeling your feelings means being destroyed. if being vulnerable is for sissies or if opening to love is a big mistake. and you will discover how you use food to express each one of these core beliefs."
another part that struck me..
"and the truth is, it's not about the weight. it's never been about the weight. when a pill is discovered that allows people to eat whatever they want and not gain weight, the feelings and situations they turned to food to avoid will still be there, and they will find more inventive ways to numb themselves. in groundhog day, when he realized he wasn't going to gain weight by eating a thousand cherry pies, bill murray ate like there was no tomorrow (and, in the movie, there wasn't). but the charge dissipated as soon as he realized he could have as much food as he wanted without the usual consequences. when you take the charge away, all that's left is a no-big-deal piece of cherry pie. and when you finish the pie, the thing that had to do with the pie -- that drove you to it -- is still there."
and lastly...
"the bottom line, whether you weigh 150 or 340 lbs, is that when you eat when you are not hungry you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. food is only the middleman, the means to an end. of altering your emotions. of making yourself numb. of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable. of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent, and very, very short -- even at 100 years old -- life. the means to these ends happens to be food, but it could be alcohol, it could be work, it could be sex, cocaine. Surfing the internet. talking on the phone.
for a variety of reasons we don't fully understand, those of us who are compulsive eaters choose food. not because of its taste. not because of its texture or its color. we want quantity, volume, bulk. we need it -- a lot of it -- to go unconscious. to wipe out what's going on. the unconsciousness is what's important, not the food.
sometimes people will say "but i just like the taste of food. in fact, i love the taste! why can't it be that simple? i overeat because i like food." but. when you like something you pay attention to it. when you like something -- love something -- you take time with it. you want to be present for every second of the rapture.
overeating does not lead to rapture. it leads to burping and farting and being so sick that you can't think of anything but how full you are. that's not love, that's suffering.
weight is a by-product. weight is what happens when you use food to flatten your life. even with aching joints, it's not about food. even with arthritis, diabetes, high bp. it's about your desire to flatten your life. it's about the fact that you've given up without saying so. it's about your belief that it's not possible to live any other way -- and you are using food to act that out without ever having to admit it."
WOW. just .... wow.
with 114 lbs gone, i so obviously still have a lot of work to do emotionally. this book is a good start, and i am "hungry" for more.
4 comments so far.
4.
a decade ago
I finished reading the book last week. The whole time I was reading it I thought 'Yeah! That's so true!' I found many of the same passages to be meaningful. I have a friend who weighs about 300 pounds but says she never binges. The part about 'if you're eating more than you need to satisfy yourself, you are using food as a drug' helped me explain to her that even if she's not bingeing she's still using food as a drug by obviously eating more than her body needs. (And quite frankly, I still think she must binge!)
by MARJORIEO
3.
a decade ago
I wish I could understand why I have let myself gain 50+ in 3-4 years. Why have I done this to myself? I wish I could figure out why I have this sense of entitlement when it comes to food, that I deserve whatever is in front of me because of how good it tastes. I think if I could figure out why I have let this happen to my body over the past several years...maybe I could really 'fix' my weight problem, once and for all. Thanks for the insight!
by BRIDETOBE2011
2.
a decade ago
Wow is right. I'm going to order the book.
by GOODKAT
1.
a decade ago
I'm glad you've started to make a new connection as this WILL aid you now and maintenance. I've come to believe that this journey is really 50 % nutrition, 40% personal issues, and 10% exercise because we can eat well, exercise tons, but if we don't acknowledge the what's, when's and why's we are up the creek w/no paddle. Go get 'em, Raeanne!
Also the church I attend, have formed a reader's circle around this author's series/topics. Very powerful stuff. Sometimes we are just lead and live on faith alone.
Beautiful pic!
by PAPERBACKNOVEL