I do believe I am a walking, talking contradiction. How can one want so many things that are totally opposite each other. New Years…my favorite holiday….for the unhealthiest of reasons. I’ve been preparing all week – making spreadsheets, cleaning, totally putting all my OCD efforts into making sure this year starts out absolutely perfect. Because if it doesn’t I’m screwed for the whole year (at least that’s what my brain tells me). So I have spreadsheets for weight/food/calories/exercise/you name it. And I have rules. Crazy amounts of rules. OK, I admit – Bad idea. Bad, bad idea. I know better. And still I find myself doing this. But my goal for 2010? Stop counting calories. Stop the obsession. Now how does my goal go together with my actions? It doesn’t. Not at all. Yet still I find myself NEEDING everything to be perfect, because if I don’t do it perfect I’ll never reach my goal (my goal of not having to do the very thing I’m doing?). Doesn’t really make sense to me either.