Today has been a good day…finally, at least as far as food goes. I’ve actually followed my meal plan up to this point, and I have confidence that the rest of the day will follow suit. I had a moment of irrational thoughts last night and almost bought a gym membership, which would mean taking money away from my grocery or gas fund, or having to cut out at least one night of my ED process group. Luckily my rational side found its way out before I clicked purchase on the 24 hour fitness website, and I did not in fact trade out something healthy, like groceries or therapy, for something unhealthy like the gym. I decided that if I needed to go to the gym I could wait in line for the one treadmill or elliptical machine at my apartment’s fitness center. So…good decision on my part. Go me! And…I was going to go work out this morning, but opted out as I will be going to nia (a combination yoga/dance/movement/express yourself class) at Center for Change for my balance and aweareness group tonight. More good decisions. See I do have it in me afterall!

It feels good to make good decisions, but at the same time my anxiety about my seemingly ever growing body size is out of control, hence the sudden NEED for the gym, and desire to do everything possible to get out of following my meal plan. With all the anxiety I did have an episode of self-injury last night. Then I started thinking, it’s been a while since I’ve done that. I’ve actually made progress in that area. A lot of progress. I used to cut nearly every day. Then it was a few times a week, and without even thinking about it, it’s been probably at least a month now. Granted, it’s taken years and years for that to happen, but it’s progress. And just when I think I’m not getting anywhere!