Well, the Christmas holiday is behind me. So is a few more pounds. I have been sitting here at work it is very quite all but 5 of the consultants are on vacation, the boss is gone for two weeks, one analyst is ill and the other one plain didn't call in. I've been reading some of the threads, blogs and have even been refreshing my memory with CKU. I graduated a while back but since I have not put all things into practice I thought I would go back in and poke around at what I need a refresher in. I know I am pulling out my scale and eating off smaller plates. I am also not going to worry if my dh and dd eat more that me or whatever. They hate hearing me say what is good for them or the reasons why I cook things the way I do. My dh says he wants to eat and enjoy without getting a breakdown of it.
I totally blew up over the holiday. I think I went 5150 on Friday. I was screaming and yelling while driving at my daughter for something that she said while leaving the bank. Then I went off on my husband the very next day the same way. I threw things and screamed about the stupidest stuff (food). I don't know what is wrong with me. Could I be mad at myself for not following a program of disobedience with food and exercise? Could I be fed up with the fact that no one in my family really listens? My husband tells me all the time I drove my sons away with my attitude. I now see my daughter has the same attitude and emotions as my 17 year old that moved out over the summer. Could my husband actually be correct that I have the problem with pushing our kids away? I haven't gone to Therapy in over a month due to scheduling conflicts but am starting back next week. I really need alot of support right now. I have extremely low self esteem.
I am going to Curves this evening. Going there makes me feel so good although it is hard for me to move and get on and off the machines. I know it is good for me to do this. I haven't been going cause of the emo baggage I have been carrying around.