I am so mad at myself for not following through with my daily goals. I weighed myself this morning and I am up 6 pounds from last Friday checkin. How can going over my calories a couple times add up so quickly. Why do MY body gain weight so fast. I am scared I won't make my mini goal set for January. I am also afraid I won't make my Memorial Day challenge goal weight. Why do I keep doing these things.

I talk to my son Nicky yesterday. He called me. He told me that is going to do a GED class so he can get his GED and stay at work. He want to leave fast food and work at Autozone. His dreams are to go to Wyotech (sp) and become a mechanic. I suppose this is ok but will he follow through with the tech school if he can't follow through with high school. I don't know why both of my sons have left high school early. My oldest did not go to college. He got is Proficiency Diploma and worked fast food got pregnant at 19 and will be 22 in March. He just finally left fast food and now works at Check N Go. Oh the choices they make. Ijust want to tell them a few things. At 22 I was not working, I was a down and out drug addict with a child and always partying. Not caring about anything. I am glad at least he is working.

I started my period again this month. This time it is real heavy and painful. My normal cycle was only 2 days and no cramps. I then messed up taking my bcp (form hormonal reasons, I can't pregnant) so I put that on hold to start again at my next regular cycle then BAM I started cramping and bleeding night before last. I am thinking perhaps this was held inside of me just waiting but the pill was keeping it from doing its thing. I should probably tell the dr may this pill isn't right for me.

I need to focus on my work today and not on what I can snack on. I need to stay out of the candy jar and away from the coffee shop pastries. I want to be back down to my weight by Friday. I am so mad at me.
I am now at work. I entered the coffee shop before getting on the elevator. I was looking for a hard boiled egg to go with my oatmeal but none were available. I then grabbed a low fat milk, a banana and a bran muffin for breakfast instead of the usual huge cimmamon roll.

I am pretty sure I will not be losing any weight this week. Though I stay in my net calories I believe it's what I have been eating. It probably also will be TOM that surprised me yesterday 3 weeks early. I was so looking forward to my mini goal. I am so bummed. I can never follow through with any weight loss goals.You figure I have been trying to lose weight for 5 years now but have remained the same. I fail every attempt I make. How can others who were as big if not bigger than me lose all that weight. What boundaries did they set. I sure wish I could access those old food diaries too see just what they did. I suppose I am looking for the easy way out. This is hard work and hard work I run from. Yikes! (More later)