Things are looking brighter this week. We survived last week and are all still functioning to accomplish our daily tasks. I do think I have to change the way my day begins. My religous background teaches me that I need to spend time with my Heavenly Father on a daily basis. I have been fighting this for quite a long time now. I do spend time working on my weekly bible study (not as much as I should). Yet, I never really take the time to really discuss the issues that I rush by him laying at his feet and expecting him to do some miraculous works in our lives as I speak to him in the car running from work to pick up my daughter, or some other usually activity of the day. Tomorrow I will plan my schedule to include a relationship with this being, my Heavenly Father.

My morning today and everyday last week:
6:15 am - alarm goes off - push snooze.
6:25 am - alarm goes off - push snooze.
6:35 am - alarm goes off - get up and call daughter for school
7:00 am - 30 minutes on treadmill
7:30 am - shower and all the things necessary to be in the car to take daughter to school by
8:00 am - in the car to school...if daughter is not in the car at this time, her phone is off for the day

My plan for tomorrow morning:
6:15 am - alarm goes off - get up and spend a minimum of 20 minutes with my Heavenly Father. I need to know he is with me all day!
7:00 am - proceed to the same schedule as above...really this is a very small change to make for the outcome I am certain will follow.

I have to be accountable on this journey as well as my CK journey. I need for my prayer journey to be as important as my CK journey and right now it isn't. I need to be able to fight the nagging in my head that I know comes from Satan. I am going to the Christian Bookstore today and getting a book my sister in law recommended, something like - Stomping on Satan!...by Joyce Meyer. She is a christian author and comedian. I need this book!

Want to outline the last few days. --

Friday my hubby got off work early and after doing all the necessary things to get ready for a trip out of town (board the dog, be sure the dishwasher is run, double check the packing) I too was ready to leave for our 3 hour drive to our son's house. He is a student at Texas A&M...5th year senior...will graduate in May 09. WHOOP! I picked our daughter up from school, got her Chickfila and we were off like a herd of turtles. Traffic was OK...backed up coming north from Austin (Texas and OU played in the Cotton Bowl on Sat).

Arrived at son's house around 7:30 pm...my mother had a huge pan of homemade chicken and noddles ready. I had planned for this meal, so was ready. Instead of putting the noodles on top of her incredible butter laden mashed potatoes, I skipped the mashed potatoes completely. I can't say I didn't miss them, cause I did...it is the ultimate comfort food! Usually I skip the chicken, accept what happens in my serving and eat mostly noodles and mashed potatoes. This night I choose to have part of a chicken breast and it was sooooo good! I did have noodles, but made sure that I limited the serving. This is really a step in the right direction for me.

My Birthday was Saturday. My mom had asked what kind of cake I wanted. (She always makes me this really moist Choc Cake--my grandmother's recipe...it is made with real lard). I told her I didn't want a cake, I wanted Chocolate Dipped Pretzels (my mother makes homemade choc candy like you would not believe...even had a candy store for a while).

After dinner my mom pulls out this big box of Dark Chocolate Dipped pretzels and Milk Chocolate Dipped Pretzels. I had one of the Milk Choc and a couple of the Dark Choc...sooooo good...realizing they are around 50 calories a pc, I did limit myself and stayed close to calories even with this amazing meal!

Enough about the weekend food...Worked in the yard at son's house all afternoon Sat and morning Sun. Planted some shrubs (they look so tiny, but didn't want to spend lotz of $$$ for the plants at this "college house". We purchased the house 2 + years ago when we realized it would be about the same as paying for dorm/apartments for his college career. We will be selling in the spring and need to update several items...curb appeal and the other things that go with selling a house.

While planting in the front, everyone else is inside watching football, I almost picked up a small snake! Now, I did have gloves on, but I screamed! Son, hubby come out to see what the scream is about. Try to catch the snake thinking it is a grass snake and are going to move it far away so it won't bother me...I hate to kill anything, even snakes. It gets away! Back to digging...soon another snake is in my path. I scream again. This time I take the digger thing I am working with and beat him to death. I don't know what came over me, but I DO NOT LIKE SNAKES! A short time later, another baby snake, another scream. The neighbors across the street are getting out of their car and ask: Ma'am are you OK? I say, no I am fighting snakes! They come over to see this baby copper head snake coiled and ready to lunge at me. I pick him up with this long handled digger thing (my family has come out by now)...carry him to the street, cause the grass is so deep I don't want him to get away. I put him on the asphalt and beat him as if I am in a scary movie...really, the neighbors are laughing at how crazy this all looks...my family knows me and knows that I can get a little obsessed with some things...today it is KILLING SNAKES. I am happy to say, this was the last snake I saw this weekend. I made my son come sit outside with me and I am sure since the snakes could hear his voice, they stayed away!

My Bday dinner was fabulous...usually we go out, but I really wanted to stay in, so my mom--wonderwoman in the kitchen, made homemade chicken parmesan. - better than any restaurant I have every been too! I did eat too much but looked up my calories for the day on my palm CK program and burned enough doing the snake fighting (gardening)...I was still OK for the day!

Back home on Sunday...we were held up for an auto accident that had happened in front of us. Sheriffs were all around, one walked by and I asked if everyone was OK, he said there was one fatality...really made me again realize, this is a simple drive...nothing special, dangerous or unusual about it...this family lost someone they will never again be able to hold, appreciate, or tell they love! I have to make each day count! I have to let my daughter know who much I love her...my husband and my son as well; the list goes farther, but the loved ones I see daily, more so than I have been able to communicate!

Today (Mon) my daughter and I argued again this morning...normal, not being ready, etc....not the way I want our days to start. I came home and went to turn her light off in her room and realized she was hiding pictures of her birth father under her laptop...it was sticking out just a little. Now this is a man that 16 years ago did not take any responsiblity for my precious child/long story and I won't go there now...but a year and a half ago called our home on father's day and said he "hadn't been able to have more children because he loved my daughter so much". He only saw my daughter once when she was about 6 months old...maybe a couple of other times (open adoption and we did have a relationship with her birthmother...did have?). Why is she looking at these photos? Are we not the family she wants/needs? Is this normal? I have decided not to say anything to her about them, not to tell my husband because he would wonder why too. I have a terrible fear we may lose her when she is old enough to get in the car, make her own choices and drive away. These fears are next to the fears of bipolar issues and eating disorder issues. This is why I need my Heavenly Father daily!