ROCKMOM2's CalorieKing blog
Thursday, Oct 16 2008 - My daughter in crisis...
View ROCKMOM2's food & exercise for this day
This is a photo of my Audrey on the 1st day of school this year. She is a sophomore in high school. I had no idea at this time that she was sooooo tormented by this eating disorder. I am so thankful we are able to get her help...
Today started off with my precious daughter having a very difficult time dealing with life. I am starting to understand how this eating disorder is totaling controlling her. She has to be in the car to go to school by 8:00 school starts at 8:25 if she isnt in the car at 8:00, her cell phone gets parental controls and she can only call me, her dad or her brother everything else is blocked. This morning she said turn off my phone, I dont care, you dont understand, nothing fits, I cant do this, you dont care. I patiently told her she still needed to go to school. After a while and more you dont care she did make it to the car but was late to schoolmeans detention tomorrow.
When we arrived at school she took her time getting out (drives me crazy) and was still very down. This was 8:25 am.
She started texting me at 8:44, this is how the conversation went:
8:44 daughter: Mom come get me I cant do this today
8:45 me: Honey u can. I lv u
8:46 daughter: no please you dont understand
8:47 me: please put your attn on your class.
8:47 daughter: I cant, come back
8:48 me: what do you mean
8:49 daughter: Come back Im gonna cry
8:50 me: U can do this.
8:50 daughter: No where do I go Im crying
8:51 me: Breath breath breath
8:51 daughter: Mom come back
IS THIS TEARING YOUR HEART OUT YET..IT IS/WAS MINE!
8:52 me: I have to go to a customer this morning that is why I am dressed up. Breath u r gonna feel better tell yourself and breath
8:54 daughter: You dont care you dont! Im having a breakdown
8:54 me: Breath breath breath
8:55 daughter: Stop you dont care
8:58 daughter: Come get me
9:00 daughter: Mommm
9:01 me: Whatever I do u think I dont care. I need u to stay. I lvu I will be driving so cant text except when stopped. Jesus is sitting right next to u holding your hand u r not alone
9:03 daughter: Im gonna walk home ok
9:03 me: No ma m
9:04 daughter: No I cant be here
9:04 me: Truant officers will pick u up
9:05 daughter: Good
9:25 daughter: Im in the crisis counselor or fixing to be
9:41 me: R u there...crisis counselor office?
10:23 daughter: I was
10:30 me: I lv u audi
10:35 me: R u ok
10:44 me: R u ok?
11:02 daughter: No but its whatever
This is so hard. I wanted to go get her, wrap my arms around her and tell her it would be OK I cant do this, it would hurt her if I did. Bipolar by itself can cause someone not to want to face life when they are in a down state I have always made her get up and go to school unless she had a fever (she hates me for itbut thats her job right?). Now with the eating disorder and severe body image distortion, she really doesnt want to leave the house.
I was able to talk to her psychiatrist she said the crisis counselor should know exactly what to do and I had done the right thing. My child has to realize she has to face life and handle her own situations she said this was actually an accomplishment since she went to the crisis counselor and it was handled without my intervention YEA!----she can do this!
I do hate that she is so unhappy. I have not seen her joyful for months. She is seeing a dietician, therapist, and in a body image class; along with seeing her psychiatrist there is a team of people working to pull her out of this. I am just thankful we are getting her help.
The dietician wanted her to eat at school this week. She refuses to eat in front of peoplelike at school or in a mall food court (thinks everyone is looking at her thinking how fat she is). Dietician told her that if she cannot eat with her friends, she will have to go sit in the nurses office at lunchtime and eat there she was totally stressed about this today that is what I believe was the trigger.
I am praying at all times for my daughter to have strength in fighting these demons! If you are reading this prayers would be appreciated! It will be a better day!
===5:00pm Update===
She made it through the day and even went to tutoring for her math after classes were over. I am very proud of her for fulfilling that responsibility. She wants me to write a note and get her out of the 2 hour detention after school tomorrow (tardy to 1st period). I have a call in to her psy to see what she recommends on this one. I want to "save" her but don't know what is best for her.
She did not eat anything at school today and only 1/2 of a Butterfinger/Crisp Bar on the way to school--at least it had some protein and fat...? I can't get her to eat anything in the mornings. The nutritionist is working on this with her--better than me on her for it.
She is very sad tonight, but not argumentative...more like she is giving up a little...she says she "doesn't know who she is". I tell her "we are finding you...that is what we are doing...you will be fine". She knows she is not thinking about herself rationally but cannot change her thoughts...these are some tough demons, but we will continue to fight them and beat them!
Blessings to all who read my thoughts...
Today started off with my precious daughter having a very difficult time dealing with life. I am starting to understand how this eating disorder is totaling controlling her. She has to be in the car to go to school by 8:00 school starts at 8:25 if she isnt in the car at 8:00, her cell phone gets parental controls and she can only call me, her dad or her brother everything else is blocked. This morning she said turn off my phone, I dont care, you dont understand, nothing fits, I cant do this, you dont care. I patiently told her she still needed to go to school. After a while and more you dont care she did make it to the car but was late to schoolmeans detention tomorrow.
When we arrived at school she took her time getting out (drives me crazy) and was still very down. This was 8:25 am.
She started texting me at 8:44, this is how the conversation went:
8:44 daughter: Mom come get me I cant do this today
8:45 me: Honey u can. I lv u
8:46 daughter: no please you dont understand
8:47 me: please put your attn on your class.
8:47 daughter: I cant, come back
8:48 me: what do you mean
8:49 daughter: Come back Im gonna cry
8:50 me: U can do this.
8:50 daughter: No where do I go Im crying
8:51 me: Breath breath breath
8:51 daughter: Mom come back
IS THIS TEARING YOUR HEART OUT YET..IT IS/WAS MINE!
8:52 me: I have to go to a customer this morning that is why I am dressed up. Breath u r gonna feel better tell yourself and breath
8:54 daughter: You dont care you dont! Im having a breakdown
8:54 me: Breath breath breath
8:55 daughter: Stop you dont care
8:58 daughter: Come get me
9:00 daughter: Mommm
9:01 me: Whatever I do u think I dont care. I need u to stay. I lvu I will be driving so cant text except when stopped. Jesus is sitting right next to u holding your hand u r not alone
9:03 daughter: Im gonna walk home ok
9:03 me: No ma m
9:04 daughter: No I cant be here
9:04 me: Truant officers will pick u up
9:05 daughter: Good
9:25 daughter: Im in the crisis counselor or fixing to be
9:41 me: R u there...crisis counselor office?
10:23 daughter: I was
10:30 me: I lv u audi
10:35 me: R u ok
10:44 me: R u ok?
11:02 daughter: No but its whatever
This is so hard. I wanted to go get her, wrap my arms around her and tell her it would be OK I cant do this, it would hurt her if I did. Bipolar by itself can cause someone not to want to face life when they are in a down state I have always made her get up and go to school unless she had a fever (she hates me for itbut thats her job right?). Now with the eating disorder and severe body image distortion, she really doesnt want to leave the house.
I was able to talk to her psychiatrist she said the crisis counselor should know exactly what to do and I had done the right thing. My child has to realize she has to face life and handle her own situations she said this was actually an accomplishment since she went to the crisis counselor and it was handled without my intervention YEA!----she can do this!
I do hate that she is so unhappy. I have not seen her joyful for months. She is seeing a dietician, therapist, and in a body image class; along with seeing her psychiatrist there is a team of people working to pull her out of this. I am just thankful we are getting her help.
The dietician wanted her to eat at school this week. She refuses to eat in front of peoplelike at school or in a mall food court (thinks everyone is looking at her thinking how fat she is). Dietician told her that if she cannot eat with her friends, she will have to go sit in the nurses office at lunchtime and eat there she was totally stressed about this today that is what I believe was the trigger.
I am praying at all times for my daughter to have strength in fighting these demons! If you are reading this prayers would be appreciated! It will be a better day!
===5:00pm Update===
She made it through the day and even went to tutoring for her math after classes were over. I am very proud of her for fulfilling that responsibility. She wants me to write a note and get her out of the 2 hour detention after school tomorrow (tardy to 1st period). I have a call in to her psy to see what she recommends on this one. I want to "save" her but don't know what is best for her.
She did not eat anything at school today and only 1/2 of a Butterfinger/Crisp Bar on the way to school--at least it had some protein and fat...? I can't get her to eat anything in the mornings. The nutritionist is working on this with her--better than me on her for it.
She is very sad tonight, but not argumentative...more like she is giving up a little...she says she "doesn't know who she is". I tell her "we are finding you...that is what we are doing...you will be fine". She knows she is not thinking about herself rationally but cannot change her thoughts...these are some tough demons, but we will continue to fight them and beat them!
Blessings to all who read my thoughts...
16 comments so far.
16.
a decade ago
Vicki, it's been a week since this entry -- please remember that you have a lot of friends praying for you and Audrey.
:talking: Hope things are going well. 
:love: Love you! Sheriann
by SJALBERT
15.
a decade ago
Oh, my heart goes out to you. I want to pass on a group I am involved in that is all around the country that you might be interested in. It is a Christian recovery group called Celebrate recovery. Check on line for a church that is sponsoring a class and go to your local bookstore for the book by John Baker called " Life's Healing Choices". You and your daughter might get some extra help here to go along with the help you are getting from your other professional doctors. Sometimes it takes help from not only the doctors and nutritionist, but the Lord to solve such inner problems. It is apparent that your daughter's suffering hurts you as well down to your core. The worse thing you could do is feel guilty for her having this condition and thus let her get by with things. Resist that temptation and lovingly help her over come her fears. Seek to discover what got her to this point even if it hurts. Pray and act on the necessary change that is needed for her and don't feel guilty about it. This is a disease that people can function with.
The Lord be with you in your journey.
by MOUGHI
14.
a decade ago
You and your daughter are on a tough road, and it sounds like you are doing well at making the tough choices and sticking to them. Good for you. I am praying for you both.
:kiss:
by DEEANN
13.
a decade ago
I know it was hard but you are helping her in ways you will never be able to think of. There will be more duplications of the day but each time the "both" of you will become stronger and stronger. Any OCD's noted? Keep an eye as they seem to start growing with the eating disorder. Look at her body from time to time as well because sometimes cutting will start just when the actual eating disorder seems to be dying down. Its hard for me to share this stuff with you but its important because we don't want her trading off one for the other. I'm so happy she has you as a parent, the love you have for this child is certainly for the whole world to see. I will continue to keep you in prayer.
by JAXS
12.
a decade ago
by JUSTPATTI
11.
a decade ago
Hi Vicki,
I am just now reading your blog from yesterday. I have a 17 year old daughter, and 2 teenage sons. I can't say that I have been through exactly what you are going through, but I do know that feeling of loving them with all of your heart, and not always knowing when/how to intervene. God bless you and sweet Audrey. It sounds as if you are getting some very good professional advice.
I will remember to lift you up in prayers.
You are a great mom. Some day this WILL be a distant memory, and probably something that you will use to help others with.
Nancy
by ESHERMAN
10.
a decade ago
by AMY76LEE
9.
a decade ago
Vicki ~ it is so hard for us as parents to do what we know in our heads is the right thing, when our hearts wish we could do otherwise. Audrey needs to be able to handle her problems-it really is in her best interest that you do all you can to help her, without enabling or interfering. Just keep telling her you love her, hug her if she lets you. She needs to be responsible and learn how to deal with her problems. And don't fall prey to guilt...you are not to blame for her behavior problems. I believe you are taking the correct action by being firm. You may not be able to give her what she thinks she wants, but you can give her what she needs. Hang in there.
:heart2:
by VIRGINIAB
8.
a decade ago
Vicki - hugs,
:love: and prayers for you and the wisdom to do the right thing with her. Eating disorder is a way for her to control her life....and yours, if she can (being late, then asking for you to get her excused from detention, etc.) You are not responsible for your daughter's happiness....she is going to have to work that out on her own I'm afraid, and she will. I am sooo glad you are working with the psychiatrist and nutritionist with her and seeking their advice. 
:love: 
:kiss: My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
by BUN201
7.
a decade ago
I realized that the pasted website was too long. If you want to look it up, it's an article in the New York Times Magazine called "One Spoonful at a Time". Good luck to you and your beautiful daughter.
by KATYBELLE
6.
a decade ago
one of my best friends fought anorexia for all of her high school years. it was so hard for us to watch her and help her and i am sure that, as a mother trying to help your daughter, this is infinitely harder. you are right to be strong and help her face her fears, even though i'm sure it's tearing you to pieces.
the following article is eye-opening. it echoes the importance of staying firm even when your child is crying out to you. it also has excellent information about eating disorders and the mental effects they can have on those who struggle with them.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/26/magazine/26anorexia.html
i will be thinking of you and your daughter. you will help her to come through this. my prayers are with you both.
by KATYBELLE
5.
a decade ago
Vicki- my sweet girl is right behind yours in school, just started HS this year and is still 14, I cannot imagine what you are going through, for her to cry out to you like that and to hold your ground, knowing you are doing what is best, but hurting inside. My heart goes out to you, just stay strong for her and for yourself, we don't know why God allows these things, but we do know there is a purpose, just trust in that, and love her. You are a wonderful Mother!!!
:love: And your sweet girl is beautiful!
:heart1: Sandy
by SANDYMC
4.
a decade ago
I can't even imagine how painful it is for you to see her hurting. It sound like you are doing all of the right things. She has the support she needs available to her.
by KIMKOC
3.
a decade ago
When our children hurt, we hurt. Every mother knows this from experience. Yes? I'm very sorry that you and your daughter are having to go through this. I love the picture--Audrey is adorable. Sending all good thoughts your way--hoping that you will stay strong for one another.
by DARCYGRANT
2.
a decade ago
by SYDNEY
1.
a decade ago
Vicki, I can't begin to imagine how agonizing this is for you, or how deep her pain is. My prayers for you both.
by REV