Hey everyone! My story is probably a lot like many of yours. This is just the background, my history, and a very long shout out to everyone in THE STRUGGLE. You know who you are.
I've been feeling so frustrated because I had gotten down to a goal weight and kept it off for two years without ever being more than five pounds over baseline. It was hard but I never felt lost or out of control. I'm new to on-line social networking and felt a little bit shy about opening up on CK. Also it's been a while since I had weight loss buddies and that is what was the most important part of my most recent weight loss odyssey.

THE WHOLE ENCHILLADA
It's been a long journey. I was a chubby child and by 15 I weighed 160 pounds (at 5"2". I was on my first dexadrine fuelled diet by age 11. When I look back at pictures from that time I looked fine-- yes a little generous, but not so much so as to bring out the speed! But I had a weight-obsessed mother who worried if I ate and worried if I didn't. Anyway, at age 15 I got down to 118 pounds and remained thin until my mid-twenties. Of course there was a man involved and I started regaining: first 160, then 180, then a breakup and down to 145. Then I changed careers and went back to school and was up to 180 after two years and down to 145 (for one year only). By the time that I moved from Philadelphia to Boston and started residency, I was up to 180 then 225 and back down to 160 (again for about one year). I moved to Washington, D.C. for fellowship and went up to the 260s.
However, after finishing training and I have been making steady progress downwards. First to 160 then back up to 225, but never again above that. And for the past six years I have been below 180, and for two of those years between 128 and 132. I had gone to a weight loss clinic and went to a support meeting every week. I had friends in the struggle there who were an inspiration and support. I kept going long after I reached goal (which is an irony if ever there was one) and throughout maintenance.
But I moved again to Western North Carolina because I was tired of the Washington rat race. My Dad died within five weeks of moving here with to be closer to me and my husband. We got a new puppy who was a real handful. When he wasn't chewing on the chairs he was biting me in the behind. (He's now much calmer and a total sweetheart) I started a new practice. My normal routine went out the window. In my own mind the puppy prevented me from exercising and counting calories and weighing myself and etc.etc..
My highest here was 160 but not for very long. I was 143 before New Year's. I'm up now. I had been really good until New Year's Eve but we went to a friend's house in Connecticut who cooks a five course meal for the holiday with a wine pairing with every course. After that she has a New Year's Day Brunch and then dinner.
We stayed there for four or five days and during that time I gained 7 pounds. My excuse was that she would have been offended if I had refused food. So really I was just being a good houseguest (NOT!!!). Who was I kidding, she has been a friend for over 30 years and has seen me fat and thin several times. You know there have been times in my life when I have avoided friends and family because of my "weight shame" even though they have seen me in all of my incarnations.
Although I am proud that I weighed myself first thing when I got back from my vacation. It grounds me. I have a see no evil, there is no evil (i.e. poundage) problem with weight control. But all of you guys give me the courage to say the numbers out loud-- 150.1. I haven't weighed again for over a week (but am keeping that bigger number in my mind) but will weigh tomorrow.
I know this is a huge and long post. And who cares about numbers (I do! It's an obsession). But really, it's all about us taking time for ourselves. Asking for what we need and want. I bet if you took a poll of CKers you'd find that all of us tended to put the happiness of others before our own well-being.
I keep track of these numbers because I think it is reassuring (as well as depressing). Each time I gain I think that I could never lose the weight again. But all of us show each other that we can. They (the ones who have never had a weight problem) say that inside every fat person is a thin one waiting to get out. I say inside every thin person (at least this one) is a fat person waiting to get out. This will never be easy for me. But they say people who diet lose and gain an average of six or seven times before they succeed in keeping it off. New Year's Resolution: Be brave enough to post my fattest of the fat pictures on CK.
Post my weights. Count my calories. Work it!