Hello Monday... and a new week... and fresh manna.
thank you all for your comforting comments. It feels good and I feel better since my last blog entry.
Dear ole hubby came home on Friday and tapped on my "still locked" bedroom door and he waited- patiently- for me to open it. I wasn't going to open it. I really wasn't. No matter what scripture I had read (2 timothy 2:26 and Eph. chapter 4) I still wasn't ready to let go of my anger or feelings of hurt. But somehow I managed to open the door and he apologized and told me that he just wanted things to go back to the way they were. I wasn't ready to be forgiving... so I didn't respond. He hugged me and asked me about my surgery that is scheduled and told me to please let him know everything that is going on so he can be there for me. I couldn't respond. I had to let him walk away and read more on forgiveness... then I had to ask God to give me a forgiving spirit right away.
It was hard but I let go.
Its amazing how thrilled he was. I think he was actually scared that I wasn't going to give in. But the fairness of it all still bugs me. But according to my mom and Christian friends usually the change starts within yourself (myself). My husband is resilient... he was happy to just go right back to our routine- as if nothing ever happened. He did however seem more concerned about me and he was more considerate... I don't know if that was my prayers or just part of the "makeup" routine.

One thing I know is that I love him... that is for sure and I guess that i a good thing. Most people say they still live with spouses that they stopped loving a long time ago. I can't imagine. I just really want us to learn how to communicate better... and since I do agree that we both don't know how to communicate then I guess the best place to start is with me. Listening to what he says and not continuously questioning him about it. He says he hates that. He told me a lot of other pet peeves too... so I guess its time I start to listen. I have quarrels with some of his ways too, but I wonder....are we expecting too much perfection from each other?

something to ponder...

In other news, I am officially under 250! The scale says 248.6 and sometimes fluctuates up to 249.6... but no longer hitting 250. I decided to work on my weight loss in 25 pound increments. So it seems so much more attainable. So right now my 25 pound weight loss goal is to hit 237. WOW! just seeing that number and knowing where I am at excites me! But I have to be careful... when I am happy and things are going well- I eat... that's my way of being happy... so I need to refocus again this week and stick to the plan. I had a high fat breakfast so I need to be sure to refocus right away and get back on track. Only 12 pounds to go until I hit my first goal!