So I haven't blogged in a few days...I haven't really been on the computer much over the last few days either.
So basically, i am doing okay with the workouts. I attempted the spinning class on Saturday morning... but I didn't like it. It hurt my butt too much and I didn't find it to be exhilarating at all. I MIGHT try it again just to be sure I gave it my all but overall I didn't find it to be a fun exercise at all and it actually interferred with me doing my tread climber workout. After getting off of the bike (i only lasted 15-20 minutes) I didn't feel motivated to workout. In fact it was the first time I left the gym so fast. So I don't think that's for me at all.

Saturday we went out shopping... and uhmm... okay THANK GOD my husband gets paid every week. I really need to figure out a "happy meduim" with shopping for new things. i simply avoid the mall altogether. Up until the past month I hadn't been in Lane Bryant in over two years. I only went to Macy's which doesn't have a spectacular plus size department and I would be a few skirts or tops like every three months or so. I have been shopping at PayLess for shoes... and nothing is wrong with that but its not something I was use to. I am a HUGE shoe chick... and at one point I bought a new pair of shoes every week. So over the last 3 going on 4 years I cut out shopping all together. I mean like completely. For me, the kids and my husband. I only went when it was necessary and only went to stores where I knew things would be cheap. But for me cheap means cheaply made in most cases.
Let's just say going from shopping at Nine West for shoes to Payless was hard for me. I disliked my choices so much that it basically just killed my shopping habit... and that's when I picked up a new habit- eating... so I still didn't save any money... I went from blowing money on clothes to eating out three to four times a week in expensive restaurants. It took me several years to see the problem.

I guess I write this for others to really analyze what is missing in there lives that may be causing them to over eat. Is it something else you use to do that you no longer do and you are now trying to make up for it in food? Like I said I have always been full figured- but not necessarily plus size. I was a 12/14 for several years and I could pretty much find those sizes anywhere and an XL fit me just fine. When I went to a 16/18 is when I became plus size but I still didn't look really big. Let's put it this way... I was dating this guy whom I knew only dated really slim girls... I asked him what was his interest in me? He asked what did I mean? I said well i am a "big girl"... at that time I was pushing into a size 20. He responded- you aren't that big- you look like you are about a size 14. So I said all of that to give you a visual... I was a size 20 and I appeared to be a size 14. So anyway, back to the start of this paragraph... when I stopped shopping so much because I was spending LARGE amounts of money on clothes and stuff... I started eating...and I never realized it. Even after realizing it, it took about two years to get a handle on it. So now I no longer eat out spending over $400 a month of eating out but I still don't really buy clothes much. But what's happening is that I am becoming completely unprepared for things. Like I had to spend $132 on my daughter for winter clothes and I ended up spending $170 on my son for clothes. My husband- bless his heart - never buys himself or ask for stuff until he looks like a complete bum... and that's not the norm for him either. I think its been a full year since he bought a nice pair of tennis shoes or timberlands. And my poor son hasn't had a pair of timberlands in over a year and half. Only tennis shoes and that is about two pair per school year. But my point is that I wait so long to get anything new that the old items be so ragged and torn that its like the still only have one choice and that gets worn out so much faster because they have to wear it everyday instead of having at least one other option. so when I do go get things... it becomes a large expense...
I also bought myself something for a change... something that I love... a hot fly pair of shoes...you see them above. YOU may not like them but I have a very different style and I like things that are FLY but not what everybody else is going to wear. I like to stand out. They cost $70... which was a bit high but my minimum for shoes is like $60 so that was only $10 more then my maximum. I bought me two cute shirts from Lane Bryant- which I had stopped shopping at ... but I couldnt' believe my luck... I got two $40 tops for $30.00 together. They would have been $80 total... but they had 40% off plus if you applied for a Lane Bryant card you get an additional $15 off. SO I got them both for $30 even.
Now that's the type of shopping I was use too... but I wouldn't buy just two shirts... I would buy like $100-150 worth of stuff. but my wardrobe was fly and I loved it... and so was my kids and my husband... but we was also barely paying bills... It was like the poor man's version of those Oprah Shows where the rich people are so indebt but they don't care bc they gotta keep up with the "Jones". I would have nice clothes but scrambling to pay the bills.

so like i said... I changed all of this but to the extreme... I never shop now.. and we never seem to have anything to wear... we do wear the same thign over and over again... and my "high" that I got from shopping turned into eating. We actually would look through the phone book and try to find new places to go and eat... we never spent less than $30 only a family of four... and we went out at least three times a week. So that is where my shopping money went. I wasn't scrambling to pay bills but I wasn't paying things on time. So i had to regroup again and figure things out.

So all in all- this weekend I spent a lot more money then I Have in a long time on shopping- $132 + $170 + $30 +$70... I don't even want to know what it adds up to. But I am okay with it. I didn't have an anxiety attack although briefly I did worry about the damage it may have done... but luckily since I have been adamant about my bills the last few months I basically just messed up my "overflow" money. That category is basically money that I make sure I have on hand until the next pay period and the day before that paycheck I take whatever is left and apply it to more bills to get ahead of them for the next month. I still have my $100 weekly spending money and all my bills were paid and my DH gets paid on Thursday to have the next set of $100 to make it until our next pay period together. So I am okay... everybody got some new things... but now I need to make sure that I put something in the budget monthly to get a thing or two so we won't feel so deprived.

Now mind you... a lot of people may read this and be like - uhmmm huh? I have lived off less and stretched much smaller amounts of money much further and sacrifaced much more. Well that's not what i am use too... the only analogy I have is taking Paris Hilton and tell her she has a budget... that's the best I can do without going into a detail explanation.

I other news- like I said its been a few days since I blogged... I am still at 250 weight wise... and this weekend I didn't record... I went out on Saturday for the first time in almost 3 years... (that's why I bought the shoes and shirt- to go with a pair of jeans I had)... It cost $30 to get in to the club... we talked him down from $50. I had such a good time. It was me and a two girls I met and then a group of there friends...so althogether there was 7 of us. It was NC A&T homecoming- that's why it was so expensive to get in the club and we stood in line for 2 hours! But we laughed and tripped the entire time! by the time we got in the club it was nothing left to do but dance... our feet were hurting so off came our shoes and we got the "booty shaking"... I haven't been to a club or dance in sooooo long... when I started going to church... I stopped clubbing... but I wanted to go out so I did. I was the oldest one in the group but I got the most play! It was too funny... I was like you girls are tripping about the guys making moves on you... I was like "back it up on them!" I danced all night with some handsome guy or another while my girlfriends bent over and shook there booty by theirselves. We had this long talk after we left about whether or not guys come and dance with you anymore and I said I noticed that changed when I was younger and really clubbing... they just sorta stand around and watch... so I dance up to them and then they start dancing with me. I hate to admit being the biggest one in the group with the "most" clothes on it was a confidence booster to have guys dance with me and find me appealing. All in all I had a GREAT TIME and I didn't get home until 5 a.m.

Then on SUNDAY! My husband's cousin Butch called and said they were about 30 minutes away! so they came over and hung out for a few hours before traveling back home to VA. It was SOOO NICE!

I had a fabulous weekend and I decided to take today off. i was originally scheduled to be off anyway, but had planned on going in.... but after my long weekend and I had several drinks too... I decided to sleep in...

I am not a "regular" drinker... but this weekend i had more than my share of drinks for the year.

I had a fabulous weekend and no regrets...



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Okay ONE regret... I am SOOO not a drinker... and I know that but forget every now and then. I feel lathargic and can barely function. My body is so freaking tired right now and all I want to do is sleep. Then I forgot and took a Xanax last night so that I would sleep through the night. I totally didn't think about all the alchohol I had consumed over the last couple of days and then this morning before this feeling sorta "hit" me I drank the last two wine coolers in the house. SO I feel doublely crappy...
I am going to remember this for the future. I stopped drinking for religious reasons but even prior to that i wasn't a heavy drinker...when i do drink I tend to over do it... this is a freaking horrible feeling and I want it to go away. Yuck...
I did this once before... trying so hard to fit in with my neighbors who were heavy drinkers. So that everyone can understand- I stopped drinking in social atmospheres completely and only had a wine cooler occassionally at home about three years ago. When I got pregnant of course and then six months after giving birth I gave it up completely as well as many other things. I don't believe that the bible says you should NEVER have a drink so over the past few years if I wanted something small I would have it... but it was like once every 3-6 months.
But this past summer I met some people here and I was so lonely and so desparate for companionship that i was welling to do anything to fit in. They drank heavily pretty much every weekend and sometimes during the week. I started with one social drink to them filling my glass back up every time it was empty. Next thing I know I was actually buying bottles of Paul Mason for our weekend ritual. The first weekend I was tired on Monday but didn't put two and two together. The next weekend I drank so much that I thought I was going to die and had to be carried home. And several times. After that weekend I told them that I wasn't a drinker and couldn't handle drinking in such large quantities at once. I think that lasted about one day before they kept asking me to have just "one" drink with them. After a while I gave in. I took a whole month for me to say- enough... and even there after I just had to completely disassociate myself from them on a regular basis because they didn't see a problem with it.
So that was about a month or so ago. I went out this weekend as I stated above and I had One drink at the club and a swallow of something or another that I didn't even know what it was while we were standing in the line. something called Ever Clear...
Then Sunday when my family came to visit we bought wine coolers and I had three last night and two this morning- they just taste like soda to me so I didn't think much of it when I grabbed one out the fridge and then another this morning... I mean the things only have about 5% alcohol so I didn't think much of it. But now I know and realize that I simply can't drink
Peer pressure is so serious... because if i am not in an atmosphere to drink - i don't think anything about it. I think this is why when you give your life over to the Lord they say you simply shouldn't be in an atmosphere to do these things. I think I understand now. Sometimes your flesh just isnt' strong enough because you think you are missing out. I know I can have a good time without drinking and these last two issues just proves to me that it is so not worth the after effects. this is such a sucky feeling...