One month later: Me & amie at the bar in VA

I had such an amazing weekend. Lauren came to visit and, prior to her coming, we had been fighting a lot and I knew that with her coming we would decide which direction our relationship would go. Well, she got here Saturday morning and things were kinda crappy at first just because we had been fighting so much but once we got back to my place we just laid down and talked for hours. About everything. We laid there, we cried, we laughed, we yelled, we wrestled, and we just got everything out on the table. And as the weekend progressed and we continued to talk everything out and just be honest about our feelings, our frustrations,our fears, and our hopes, we both grew so much closer to each other and regained so much faith in our love for each other. It's crazy how she and I's relationship is. When she and I first fell out a couple of years ago, it was so weird because we were falling in love with each other and we were so blind to the fact that we were already in relationships and that when our partners intervened, it was awful but we couldn't act like we were hurt because as much as we wanted to be, we couldn't be each others' priority. Now, here we are, committed to each other and I feel like our relationship is so much stronger because of the crap we went through before. Granted, we both have serious trust issues that we are building as our foundation, but after this weekend I am revitalized not only in love, but in life.

Having her here made me realize that I need to be a healthier person. I need to stop making excuses for why I don't go to the gym or why chinese food, or some other greasy concoction is better than getting my lazy ass up and making some freakin dinner. I've gained 13 lbs in the two months I have been just sitting around eating and I will admit that some of it has been in having very little balance and being bored. However, after this weekend, I'm realize that being big hurts nobody but myself in the long run. I want to be a healthy friend, sister, lover, Community Advisor, all that jazz and I am realizing that it only takes one bad choice to ruin my whole day. I'm trying to make sense of the blocks that are preventing me from being healthy. And there's only one: ME.

I really do miss being healthy. I really really miss running. I can't wait until I get back in running shape so I can start going back out on my runs. I've only got about 30 lbs until I get to my ultimate weight goal, but I think instead of thinking number goals, my goal should just be to get healthy and be happy. One thing I have noticed is when I eat like $h!t, I don't stress about when the last time I ate was or how hungry I'm feeling; it's more of a go-with-the-flow feeling. I want to somehow learn how to translate that into when I'm eating well. I just hope I can find the strength in each day to continue to work towards being a healthier me.

Anywho, I went to the gym today and had a pretty bad ass workout. I did my 60 mins on the Arc Trainer and 10 mins on the Stair Climber. I felt pretty good. at first I wasn't going to go to the gym because of the ty ass lunch I had earlier, but I knew that just becuase I had a ty lunch doesn't mean I have to have a ty day. I'm glad I went to the gym. I'm proud of myself for going. I hope that today really is a new day for me and my health and possibly my life.