It's hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I can never go back to what my eating habits were before. This really, truly is forever. I cannot eat those things anymore, and it's very hard to accept.

I wanted a donut so bad tonight, and I would have bought one too if I hadn't left my purse in the car. If I had my purse I would have bought three and eaten them all. I know it, and I'm ashamed of it. But there is the truth of it. I know now it's more than a will power thing. It's become something more than just eating something bad for me.

I can't goof around with this thing. I have a food addiction, and it's like an alcoholic trying to keep away from liquor. I will use any, and every excuse to make unhealthy choices. It's like I don't care that I'm sabotaging myself. This is a very bad thing.