I'm really struggling today and I'm not sure why. I just want to eat sweets and I am craving sugar. I indulged in a few spoonfuls of Cool Whip. One of my small, silly addictions. I think it's because it's been kind of a tough day with the kids. Collin was very crabby this afternoon. I'm having a hard time getting the house clean and I feel pressure from Chris, now after our conversation last week, to keep it clean. I get it straightened up, looking somewhat okay, but by the time he gets home, it's messy again. Usually because I'm making dinner and the kids are playing. I guess I'm stressed a little and feeling inadequate. Wanting to eat for comfort. Plus I'm starting to have mild abdominal pain and I'm worried that the SOD pain is coming back. That's causing anxiety and I think I want to eat to soothe my anxiety and make myself feel better. At least I'm more aware of what's causing me to want to eat when I'm not hungry. Now I can choose to deal with things instead of eating. Baby steps.

It's now evening-very late. And I'm just amazed that rice cakes are a trigger food for me. I don't think I can buy them for a while. I bought them today and the whole package is gone! I did good this afternoon and only had 3 as part of a snack. Then tonight when I was working on a scrapbook project, I just kept eating them and eating them. Before I knew it, I had eaten the whole package-350 calories later! They are so easy to eat and satisfy my craving for salty and crunchy. I started eating them when I went gluten-free. But I don't think I can have them around anymore because this has happend a few times before.
I've been focusing on eating only when I'm hungry. I wasn't hungry tonight-I just felt like snacking. I think I was feeling a little bit of stress due to working on this project. There's only a few days until Christmas and I have so much to do to get this done for a gift on Christmas day. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my scrapbooks, so I can see how I was eating because of that too.
I'm feeling pretty lousy right now-beating myself up. I hate the calorie numbers that I see for today. I'm so afraid I'm gaining weight. Today my jeans were tight. That's the first time that's happened and I felt panicked. Lots of anxiety and fear. Not sure what to do with these thoughts and feelings. I guess I need to look at what I did right today, learn from what I did wrong and set my goals for tomorrow. Okay, I've identified a trigger food and am not going to buy them until I'm sure I can handle it. I'm going to focus on my goal of eating only when I'm hungry-regardless of what the calorie numbers are saying. I'm not going to eat if I'm not hungry simply because I'm under my calorie limit. And I am going to continue to recognize when I want to eat for comfort or because of emotions. I am working on choosing to take care of the need in another way that doesn't involve food.
Goals for tomorrow:
1. Stay withing calorie range.
2. Drink lots of water.
3. Eat only when hungry.
4. Exercise.
5. Avoid emotional eating. Find other ways to deal with feelings and stress.