I've been thinking about my weight over the years... Weight was a total non-issue from age 0 to 11. Around the time I started puberty I think my chubby mom started panicking cause I grew SO fast. I went from a tiny shoe size to a size 8 shoe. I went from a flat chest to a D cup size. I was 4' something and jumped up to 5'4". All in a single school year. It was a bit shocking to the system, no pun intended. I didn't know how to dress my body, and my clothes felt awkward and uncomfortable.

I went from being 80 something pounds to around 140 lbs that year too. Talk about freaky! Looking back at my school pictures I was totally healthy looking, and I really wish I had known better how to dress my new body. If I ever have a daughter that's what I'm going to focus on, instead of pushing diets like my mom did.

Anyways... I felt the need to diet, and when my parents bought me a trip "back east" to meet all my relatives for my 16th birthday, I got really serious. I remember exactly what I did. I was about 150 lbs when I started, and I ate 1200 calories a day (mostly apples and diet coke), and did toning exercises every day. I got down to a really slim 125 lbs, and felt amazing... but hungry!

Slowly I regained 15 lbs over my last two years of high school.

After high school I was boarding with some friends eating LOTS of fast food. I started going to college, and spent a lot of time eating from vending machines and grabbing convenience foods from the cafeteria or fast food places. On top of that, my mom was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma when I was 19 years old, and my stress levels went through the roof. My portion sizes were really large. I wasn't dieting anymore, and fell into a bad habit of binge eating when I was stressed or upset.

I alternated between binge eating without care and severely restricted dieting. I kept rejoining WW... I joined and quit the gym more times than I can count, and when my mom died in August 1998, my binge eating was completely out of control.

When the high protein diet craze took off, I jumped on board. I was at my all time high of 199 lbs in 1999, and went on the Protein Power Plan. I ate tons of chicken caesar salads, cheese and pepperoni sticks, eggs and bacon, and high fat steaks, and dropped down to 175 lbs in one month. I looked great, but just the thought of eating another bite of meat could make me dry heave. When I met my husband to be I was 185 lbs and felt really great.

I went through a really traumatic experience with the church I had grown up in, and then when I got engaged we had to be apart for close to 6 months, and I started binge eating again.

I was 210 lbs in December 2000 when we got married. I soon discovered he was an emotionally abusive man. He eventually became physically abusive, and for years I numbed my pain with binge eating.

In January 2003 I was 247 lbs when I found out I was pregnant. I gave birth to my beautiful son in September at a new all time high weight of 259 lbs, but I was pleased because I had only gained 17 lbs. I dropped down to 230 lbs within a couple weeks, and managed to maintain that weight and even lost a bit more after joining WW again, and researching a new concept called Intuitive Eating. I was down to 213 lbs when I left my husband for good in July of 2005 and filed for a divorce.

The stress of becoming a single mom, with no job, no home, and no belongings (I left secretively) pushed me to binge eat even more than usual. I was living in a small camper van in my dad's driveway, supporting a 2 year old son on less than $300 a month, and my future seemed pretty bleak.

Over the next couple years things started slowly improving. I found an awesome full time job, my son started attending a really amazing daycare/preschool that he loved, and I found true love again. Unfortunately, my weight and health were the least of my concerns, and here I am, newly married last June, living my dream life, and 280 lbs.

I tried doing WW online again for the last 3 months, but I just couldn't seem to stay motivated. When my 3 month membership was up, I started looking into some more affordable options, and came across Calorie King. I've been using the CK site for years to look up the nutritional food values of pretty much any food. I never really realized there was a weight loss program as well, so was pleased to discover it was affordable and comprehensive.

I joined this week and am excited to start making some long term changes in my life. I'm hoping this is where I find my "after" picture.