ROCHELLE09's CalorieKing blog
Sunday, Dec 20 2009
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Yesterday I saw one of the nurses from the hospital I was in a few months ago. I was talking to her and got the feeling she had no idea who I was, so I told her my name. Her comment..."Wow, you've gained so much weight I didn't even recognize you. Congratulations!" Ugh. I know it was supposed to be a compliment, but comments about gaining weight NEVER come across as a compliment in my mind. I wish I could just see it for what it is. She was trying to tell me I looked better. She wasn't trying to tell me I look fat. But the eating disorder voice pipes up and says fat...loser...fat...ugly...fat!!! I wonder if I'll ever see looking "healthy" as a good thing. And I wonder if my mind will ever catch up with my body. I'm maintaining a normal weight, but my mind is still way eating disordered. That's hard to explain to someone when they say but you "look" fine...you "look" like you're recovered...you "look" like you're doing so well. Really??? It's hard when the body changes relatively quickly, but the mind takes sooooo long to follow. I think the period after weight gain is actually the hardest. People expect you to be fine because you look fine, but really you're still dealing with all the same stuff on the inside, plus having to accept a new body on top of that, and all the comments that come with it. That's one of my theories of why relapse is so common.
6 comments so far.
6.
a decade ago
Totally - I mean whether you realize it or not, your ED is your way of screaming to the world THINGS ARE NOT GOOD INSIDE OF ME and as soon as the the scream can't be seen anymore... Well then what? You're still thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same feelings - you just don't look it anymore. The pain isn't visible anymore. I completely agree that that is one of the reasons that relapse is so common. Healthy weight is supposed to equal healthy mind, and it just doesn't work that way.
It's super great that you can realize this - of course it doesn't make dealing with the comment any easier. Just keep telling yourself you don't need to prove anything to anyone - only to yourself. And right now hopefully what you want to prove to yourself is that your desire to live a full life is stronger than your desire to show that nurse just how much pain you're in!
by PORCUPINEPETTER
5.
a decade ago
I'm sure she didn't intend for you to interpret the comment that way however being in the health care profession she should have known better.
by JBK101
4.
a decade ago
Ugh. She's obviously got that Foot-In-Mouth disease.
:queen:
I know that it must be hard to deal with everything on the inside. hang in there, Amber.
by EPMOMMA
3.
a decade ago
was going to say what Lynn said
:kiss: sending you all the magic I got in my bullet
by HOOSIERSTACE
2.
a decade ago
In her defense, it was a medical hospital and the majority of the staff were definitely not well trained in ED's. And I know she meant well. But it's hard to hear all the same. Thanks for the support
:)
by ROCHELLE09
1.
a decade ago
IMO, as a nurse in a hospital (dealing with ED's, I assume?) she should have known better than to say what she said the way she said it. Very few people would take that comment well, whether suffering from an ED or not. I wish there were a magic bullet for recovery.
:kiss:
by LYNNABEL