THEFATCHICK's CalorieKing blog
Saturday, Jun 28 2014 - Going Home
View THEFATCHICK's food & exercise for this day
Today will be a hard and emotional day.
In about an hour I go fo the spinal x-ray and mammogram, not so hard I know...then I have to go to my Mom's house. My niece and her three kids still live there, she is having a combo birthday(s), graduation and confirmation party for the kds. The house is for sale, this will be theh last celebration in my childhood home. I haven't been at the house since February when my sisters and I went through mom's belongings that were still at the house...honestly it was like she still lived there, frozen in time, my niece had never remove or changed anything in the 12 years she had been there. After my dad passed in the livingroom of a heart attack Jan 20th 1999 Mom couldn't bear to stay in the house and began staying at my sisters but woulnt sell the house so in 2002 my niece moved in always hoping mom would come back and leaving moms bedroom as is.
Mom passed Jan 23rd 2014 , she's in heaven dancing with Daddy and the emotions are very raw today, its like the end of a huge chapter of my life, it will be so hard going back and because its over an hour away and I will be driving up by myself I have a very good friend who offered to stay on the phone with me the whole ride
I feel like the level of danger for me to emotionally eat is high, so I will be packing my own food so I can stay on track and I finally lost that 1lb 3oz and some, now down to 214.5 and just cant get excited about it. I cant stop crying, I guess I havent fully grieved, I dont know...I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face and suprised because I thought I did grieve, it feels so raw and I want to sob and I don't want to face this but I will. 
:
So today im just going to do the best that I can to put on a brave face (as Mom would say) and remeber today is a celebration of the kids, my Mom LOVED her grandkids and would want us all to make the day happy and special for them...so it is what I will try to do. Make the kids happy and protect my body from my emotional self.
No quote today...just I promise to try to be my best and to be strong.
Thats it...wish me luck.
In about an hour I go fo the spinal x-ray and mammogram, not so hard I know...then I have to go to my Mom's house. My niece and her three kids still live there, she is having a combo birthday(s), graduation and confirmation party for the kds. The house is for sale, this will be theh last celebration in my childhood home. I haven't been at the house since February when my sisters and I went through mom's belongings that were still at the house...honestly it was like she still lived there, frozen in time, my niece had never remove or changed anything in the 12 years she had been there. After my dad passed in the livingroom of a heart attack Jan 20th 1999 Mom couldn't bear to stay in the house and began staying at my sisters but woulnt sell the house so in 2002 my niece moved in always hoping mom would come back and leaving moms bedroom as is. Mom passed Jan 23rd 2014 , she's in heaven dancing with Daddy
and the emotions are very raw today, its like the end of a huge chapter of my life, it will be so hard going back and because its over an hour away and I will be driving up by myself I have a very good friend who offered to stay on the phone with me the whole ride I feel like the level of danger for me to emotionally eat is high, so I will be packing my own food so I can stay on track and I finally lost that 1lb 3oz and some, now down to 214.5 and just cant get excited about it. I cant stop crying, I guess I havent fully grieved, I dont know...I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face and suprised because I thought I did grieve, it feels so raw and I want to sob and I don't want to face this but I will. :So today im just going to do the best that I can to put on a brave face (as Mom would say) and remeber today is a celebration of the kids, my Mom LOVED her grandkids and would want us all to make the day happy and special for them...so it is what I will try to do. Make the kids happy and protect my body from my emotional self.
No quote today...just I promise to try to be my best and to be strong.
Thats it...wish me luck.
2 comments so far.
2.
a decade ago
Some how reading your journal makes me feel at peace for the need to fall apart or really not being able to stop falling apart, some how you make it okay,
:love:
again, today some one very close to my mom came by (she's been on vacation for a month) funny how crying feels so good sometimes
by SYDNEY
1.
a decade ago
Thinking about you. Your grief is still new and I'm sure it hurts very much. My parents passed a long time ago (almost 19 for my mom and 8 for my dad) and I still shed tears. I used to think that if I wasn't sad about it all, that the memories would just fade away...but they don't. Give yourself some time. You have a great friend!
You are doing great by the way!
by CAROLBINTX