The weather didn't cooperate, the fireworks were postponed until tonight but we are going to see my brother. I was thinking a lot about family yesterday, and remembered at nieces party overhearing her tell a friend when describing my eldest sister "L" that "she was the SKINNY one", and well, I used to be the skinny one!

My entire family is BIG, yes even the skinny one is still a little fluffy, my other older sister "D" is also overweight, thankfully she recently lost 30lbs (I was worried about her). My eldest brother "F" was very over weight when I last saw him in Jan at the hospital with Mom. Even my other older brother "R" is overweight. Not sure how much is genes, ages, habits, that we were taught not to leave anything on our plates because "there were children starving in china"...my parents lived through the Great Depression and probably why they ate and held onto everything. I will have to analyze this further to see if I can find connections, I'm positive all of this is not just genetics... There has to be some learned behavior right? I'm fighting the fight no matter what... Down to 212.5 lbs this morning! YAY ME!!!

I'm also a little anxious about seeing my brother, he was in ICU in NY the same time mom was, they were both fighting for their lives (his flu shot attacked his body, paralyzing and almost killing him), he was moved out of the ICU on 1/23 and MOM passed away just 3 hrs after he transferred out and into a regular room. He was still in the hospital when we laid her to rest, I took pictures for him of the room flowers, casket (from afar), of his grandsons carrying her to the grave, so he could have some closure when he was strong enough. I'm nervous about showing him, I don't want to look at them and I know he has to, I know he will break down and I know I will be there for him and I know I will live it all over again because I am feeling it now just thinking about it.


Today will be both happy and sad, hard and joyous.

My back is killing me this morning, I had all intentions of going to the gym but now I think I'll skip it and just stretch. My next Chiro appt for decompression therapy isn't until wed and I have Elle tomorrow instead of Tuesday. I get the grand baby in 30 minutes so I guess I better get in the shower while I can.

Sorry for the rambling, my thoughts are all over the place today.

Have a great day!