My week is all messed up; training (normally Tuesday's) was last night, tonight is my hair appointment (need a little T/U), tomorrow is the Gastroenterologist followed by the Chiropractor, Thursday is Training and Friday is a ME day...maybe a movie or a walk on the beach after work.

Training was very slow, we had to try everything to see what I can or can't do now without my back seizing up again and had to modify or find alternatives for more than I liked. In the end I had a great workout but burned 200 less calories than normal while trying to find what wouldn't hurt me. Lots of stretching at the end and core work throughout the entire session. The biggest change was a modified weighted squat, because of my knee issues squats have always been hard and painful for me and with my back Elle didn't want me to tense up and cause more issues so she had me take 6 lbs weights and sit on down on the edge of the higher benches, then stand up while holding the weights...I could do this. No pain in the knees or back at all but yet I felt it in my quads.

I power ate all day, consuming my 1400 calories before I even ate dinner so I didn't have to eat back as many workout calories and had a lighter dinner...this actually felt better and I lost the pound I had gained back yesterday morning. I've been between 212 and 213 pounds since Saturday...wonder when it will give

Now is when I can be obsessed, I'm only two pounds away from 210...my mind has already started racing and calculating..."that is only 7000 calories; along with my diet if I hit the gym everyday and burned 600-1,000 cal on the bike and elliptical, I could burn it off in just a few days"... But then I am that old obsessive compulsive person again! Its a constant fight with myself not be consumed by weight loss because I want it so bad and I know if I focus 100% on that I will shred the fat off, but then the rest of my life suffers and I won't have that again.

Nope this time its about taking the time to let things happen in moderation and its killing me. OK, not literally but I have no patience and I WANT IT NOW!

Sorry, my temper tantrum is over...I guess I'm feeling a little anxious that with the back issues and new limitations. It will take me longer to get where I want to be and I'm frustrated. It also doesn't help that every fricken day I walk into the break room at work to find Starbucks chocolate chip cookies, cheese danish, and other random highly fattening but very tasty neatly package items sitting on the table for any of us to take. No I dont work for Starbucks but my coworker's son does and he brings BAGS in stuff daily. There is now a ginormous box of chocolate covered biscotti biscuit crackers there and last week a vendor brought us bagels twice! I have to walk into that room with blinders on...I'm walking past all this crap, going to the fridge and coming out with my cheerios and fruit or my fruit and yogurt...you get the drift!

I guess that's the real issue, I'm starting to wear down a little. This morning as I was pouring my fresh strawberries and blueberries over my cheerios all I could smell was my coworkers yummy egg, cheese and turkey sausage sandwich heating in the microwave, the aroma was dancing through the air, tickling my nose and teasing my taste buds. Now realistically I know that although it was a Special K diet breakfast sandwich and it smelt great, I could be sure of a few things...it was loaded with preservatives, probably high in sodium, probably high in calories for a little sandwich and it probably didn't have much nutritional value....plus, it just came out of a microwave.

Holy crankiness!!! I'm sorry, maybe I need some carbs or chocolate...I have no idea where any of that came from...well maybe a little, but I didn't think I was that ARGH about it.

Clearly I'm a mixed bag of emotions today and lunch is over so I must go and fight off the food demons of the break room!

I leave you with this quote...

"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." ~ Doug Larson

Have a great day!