THEFATCHICK's CalorieKing blog
Saturday, Sep 20 2014
View THEFATCHICK's food & exercise for this day
This year has been the most mentally and emotionally challenging and devistating for me. I thought most if the turmoil was behind me but life kicked me square in the teeth and stomach, leaving me lying on the floor gasping for air. In all of this I'm trying to remember to take care of myself, feed myself with food and love but it's hard. My refuge is when I'm sleeping and my nightmares come when I'm awake. Yesterday I list two pounds I'm sure from stress and I don't even remember if I ate. My emotion as are all over the place, like a roller coaster up, down, twisting, turning, plumiting with fear.
To make matters worse I've had to go to work and pretend like all is ok...head down, do my job, hoping no one notices, or asks me if I'm ok because i didn't know if I could fight back the tears. Choosing to only communicate through email because it was self preservation. I had made it almost all day yesterday and it happened I was waiting all day for one of the partners to get out of a meeting so I could show him how to use the new laptop. As I was taking it out of the box it slid out of my hands and sort if launched into the air, I tried to grab it with my right hand but only managed to further propel it away from me. I think I let out a scream of sorts and possibly swore as I watched his brand new $3,800 laptop plumiting to the ground where it hit with a heavy thud. The other partner and VP turned around and I burst into tears, shaking, apologizing, the whole time thinking "shut the F*@k up and pull your
together girl!" Through tear filled eyes and with trembling hands I managed to show him what to do, and then I knew it was time to get out of dodge and I left for the day. But not before being asking if everything was ok because now it was clear something was very wrong. All I could say is it was personal and I thought it best I leave for the day. I'm sure Monday there will be questions and I don't know how I'll answer them without falling apart.
All I can say is thank goodness I have my grandson for a few hours today because he is, his smile is, his hugs are all medicine for my soul right now.
If you please, just say a little prayer for me and my family.
To make matters worse I've had to go to work and pretend like all is ok...head down, do my job, hoping no one notices, or asks me if I'm ok because i didn't know if I could fight back the tears. Choosing to only communicate through email because it was self preservation. I had made it almost all day yesterday and it happened I was waiting all day for one of the partners to get out of a meeting so I could show him how to use the new laptop. As I was taking it out of the box it slid out of my hands and sort if launched into the air, I tried to grab it with my right hand but only managed to further propel it away from me. I think I let out a scream of sorts and possibly swore as I watched his brand new $3,800 laptop plumiting to the ground where it hit with a heavy thud. The other partner and VP turned around and I burst into tears, shaking, apologizing, the whole time thinking "shut the F*@k up and pull your
together girl!" Through tear filled eyes and with trembling hands I managed to show him what to do, and then I knew it was time to get out of dodge and I left for the day. But not before being asking if everything was ok because now it was clear something was very wrong. All I could say is it was personal and I thought it best I leave for the day. I'm sure Monday there will be questions and I don't know how I'll answer them without falling apart. All I can say is thank goodness I have my grandson for a few hours today because he is, his smile is, his hugs are all medicine for my soul right now.
If you please, just say a little prayer for me and my family.
2 comments so far.
2.
a decade ago
i can tell you a story..... when my Mom got cancer i spent alot of time pretending that it did not effect me......i always worked 10 hours a day sometimes 12 never phased me.... but it did... little things where happening thing, i was missing things forgetting things messing up .. i never messed up.
people thought i was drinking (LOL) it all came to a head with a major f*ck up but, at the same time not my fault either way my fault for not catching the time sequence.. one girl seem to be my #1 fan against me.. the person to kill my whole 18 year reputation.(in my mind) and she pulled 2 others in .. which just killed my world, my confidence, my belief in human kind, all people where evil..........then 3 weeks ago this girls Mom had a stroke.. massive prolly won't survive much more or with much quality of life.....this girl my enemy crawled into my office and sobbed, for hours profusely apologizing for the in
justice she had done to me, the awful things she said all the things she can't take back ... she knew how bad she hurt my reputation......sobbing..... and i was the bigger person i let it go.. i let it all go.....................so i thought. i'm having a really hard time finding the mental capacity to find a place for this in my mind.........to all this... take care of you.. protect yourself, take time off, if you need it, get the sleep you need eat right TAKE CARE OF YOU!! this too shall pass it has too!
by SYDNEY
1.
a decade ago
Hugs. And more hugs. Hugs for your family too. And prayers. This too shall pass. It always does. Having said that, I'm sorry you're having to suffer. I know exactly where you are and I've had to fight back those very same tears and swallow problems while at work. I think you're right - work is not the place for it, but when my worst happened I couldn't help but spill over. You're human and there may be a co-worker who is a good listener. Just a thought. My thoughts are with you.
by CHERYL55