THEFATCHICK's CalorieKing blog
Sunday, Dec 21 2014
View THEFATCHICK's food & exercise for this day
Can't sleep, too much to do, too much on my mind. My tree is still in the box but hopefully makes it up today, I still have to wrap presents and deliver the ones that go the family my friends and I sponsor. I still have to get gift cards for the nieces and nephews from the gaming store... There's one close by so I'll go today.
I guess I'm procrastinating because I'm avoiding. This was my holiday with Mom, our first Christmas with out her, the Sunday after is when she went into the hospital, had the surgery and slipped into the coma...January 23rd she'll be gone a year.
I can't prevent time from moving, it's coming and I need to just deal with it. It's hard to get into the spirit and put on a smile when all I want to do is stay in bed and cry cause "I want and miss my Mommy! " I know very child like but it's how I feel. I'm trying to go with the motions for my family but even they aren't feeling so jolly. Maybe I could just hibernate for about 6 weeks and not have to deal with the emotions and memories of being at the hospital, (I stayed there so she was never alone) that are lingering...I feel like I'm reliving it, it's so raw. I'm trying not to dwell it's just the feelings are so strong I'm having trouble overcoming them. I'm not really depressed, if I avoid holiday things and focus on other things I'm okay but as soon as I look at gift, wrapping paper, etc I want to curl into a ball, pull the covers over my head and cry.
Last night I ate I think as punishment, I split a ham and broccoli calzone and a dozen garlic knots with my daughter. I haven't had this in years and should have opted for a salad with grilled chicken (it was right there on the menu) but I didn't. I'm not even going to get on the scale today, the carb overload is going to mean sodium overload and water retention so I'm not even going to torture myself, I'll just get back on track today and take each day as they come.
Well, my house is starting to wake up; The hubby just woke up, the cats are stirring, the wood stove is crackling, the the water pump is humming because laundry is being started , the sun is starting to peak through the blinds and I guess it's time to get up and face the day ahead.
I guess I'm procrastinating because I'm avoiding. This was my holiday with Mom, our first Christmas with out her, the Sunday after is when she went into the hospital, had the surgery and slipped into the coma...January 23rd she'll be gone a year.
I can't prevent time from moving, it's coming and I need to just deal with it. It's hard to get into the spirit and put on a smile when all I want to do is stay in bed and cry cause "I want and miss my Mommy! " I know very child like but it's how I feel. I'm trying to go with the motions for my family but even they aren't feeling so jolly. Maybe I could just hibernate for about 6 weeks and not have to deal with the emotions and memories of being at the hospital, (I stayed there so she was never alone) that are lingering...I feel like I'm reliving it, it's so raw. I'm trying not to dwell it's just the feelings are so strong I'm having trouble overcoming them. I'm not really depressed, if I avoid holiday things and focus on other things I'm okay but as soon as I look at gift, wrapping paper, etc I want to curl into a ball, pull the covers over my head and cry.
Last night I ate I think as punishment, I split a ham and broccoli calzone and a dozen garlic knots with my daughter. I haven't had this in years and should have opted for a salad with grilled chicken (it was right there on the menu) but I didn't. I'm not even going to get on the scale today, the carb overload is going to mean sodium overload and water retention so I'm not even going to torture myself, I'll just get back on track today and take each day as they come.
Well, my house is starting to wake up; The hubby just woke up, the cats are stirring, the wood stove is crackling, the the water pump is humming because laundry is being started , the sun is starting to peak through the blinds and I guess it's time to get up and face the day ahead.
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