Happy Saturday to all! It was such a tough week in every area of my life and I guess I'm just getting better at recognizing when I'm giving in to my triggers. I was bad yesterday, I was at one of our other offices , they had mega boxes of Harry & David truffles, chocolate covered pretzels, cookies, etc. I found myself eating the goods as if on auto pilot and during the ride back to my office thought about why I did that knowing the sugar would affect my hypoglycemia, I would surely crash later (and I did), not to mention how it's counter productive to my weightloss.

I thought what am I doing? Why am I sabotaging myself? What emotion am I not dealing with? That last one was my truth...something upsetting happened Thursday and I have very mixed emotions about it. I'm trying to be understanding and supportive but I am so disappointed, hurt, and yeah I even feel a little betrayed because I was lied to and right to my face. I guess I'm angry....no I AM angry! For whatever reason I tend to push my emotions down, I decompartmentialize everything about a situation and while I truly can see all sides I don't seem to give myself permission to feel 100% wvery emotion. I don't know if it's cause with the decompartmentializing comes some degree of rationalizing and therefore some of the emotions are just too...well, emotional to allow because the rational side makes more sense and I guess is easier to deal with what happening.

I just learned something about myself writing this passage...WOW
Anyway, when I came home I didn't even bother recording my dinner calories, I ate a bowl of multigrain Cheerios, 20 oz of water and passed out watching TV on the couch. I guess the fact that I realized I had eaten out of stress/emotion shows some growth, now if only I can catch it before I do it...I'll think I'll be okay.

On the upside I've been back to weighing, measuring and logging for a few days now and it feels good, it really helps. I weighed myself this morning and I'm down to 175.9 so that's awesome cause I've been stuck getting no lower than 177 and now I feel that I've broken that I am back on my way. I just need to remember to make myself feel AND DEAL with my emotions or I am one of those people who eat them in calories, so I will surely gain weight if I don't address the reason I want to eat right? I have to be better about controlling myself but I feel I learned a little something that gave me one more thing in my aresinal For this fight.

My chiropractor wants to rehab my shoulder and talked to my trainer, told her what to do and if it doesn't help within two weeks he wants me to make an appointment with an orthopedic specialist to have it checked...he think it may be my rotator cuff from when I dislocated my shoulder 20 years ago falling off a chair. He said I should go anyway but I want to see if this helps first so I can give this I go to the ortho, I want my trainer to do the rehab not the PT...it's been my experience in the past that I get more from the training than the PT and she can follow the doctors orders just as well as the PT can. She reduced my weights but had me stand on a BOSU doing my bicep curls and tricep pulses, then stepping up to hammer curls. She has set up some really challenging circuits for me that burn a good amount of calories. I also did a plank (forearms) for 30 seconds and had no pain in the shoulder. We tried the running man in the bench but it too much on my back so I have to stand tall and lift my knees up high instead. I burned 620 calories on Thursday and it felt great. I am now going in the right direction.

I have the Grandbaby today, he is sick again (ear infection) and sleeping. He'll probably sleep most of the morning, he needs it. Everytime I look at him I am so thankful I can get down on the floor white him and that I can be an active Grandmother...I do regret not always being able to be like for my own girls. My weight has been up and down since I got pregnant with my oldest. I Can change the past but I can change the future by what I do today.

Positive quote for today...

"You can't hit a target you cannot see, and you cannot see a target you do not have." ~~ Zig Ziglar

have a wonderful day!