THEFATCHICK's CalorieKing blog
Sunday, Apr 19 2015
View THEFATCHICK's food & exercise for this day
I have been typing my blog entry for the better part of an hour now, it got real deep and then the fricken site froze up again and once again all was lost!
Bottom line my weight is 180.4 lbs, I took responsibility for it and identified behaviors that led to it, including my emotional eating to cope with my 91 yr old Aunt (Mom's eldest sister) being in the hospital, in an induced coma and on a respirator. Tomorrow they are going to try to ween her off and hopefully bring her out of the coma.
I really hate how I can be in a blogging role, peeling back layers of emotion and getting real, and then BAM the site just freezes and all is lost. I really shouldn't have to type my entry in word and then copy and paste into CK but apparently I do! I was in such a peaceful place this morning and now I feel pissed and negative, I have to recover so excuse my lashing out but it really does piss me off!
I know, this site working or not, is nothing compared to my Aunt being in a coma but I'm angry about that too; she has a rare lung disease, so rare they don't know how to treat it, so this may not even work. Prayer and her will to fight is all we have. Her condition is stirring up emotions from when Mom was in the coma, she never came out or off the respirator, it was just last year and the emotions are so raw.
My heart aches for my cousins and for Mom's other two sisters who are doing their best to cope and be there for my cousins (as they were for us). I can't even imagine what it must be like to loose one sister and then a year later, having the other in a coma and waiting to see if she is strong enough or if the doctors were right. my family is hurting right now, emotions are running high. We are very close, my Aunt lived 3 houses down from us, my Uncle passed from cancer when I was just 6 months old, so she is all my cousins have had; we were lucky enough to have my dad until my mid twenties but they only had their Mom growing up. She was a registered nurse and supported her 9 kids on her own but she and my parents shared parenting duties for my cousins and us. My Dad did his best to be a father figure for my cousins and of course was a role model, we were always together...seriously, daily. sometimes it felt like we couldn't get away from each other but now as an adult, I look back on those days with such joy in my heart.
I pray for my Aunt and that my cousins and her sisters don't suffer like my Mom did or like we did watching Mom slowly deteriorate. I pray that my Aunt pulls out of this and if not, she passes quickly, to spare my cousins the pain and helplessness we felt. I pray that my family is spared from suffering, I pray Aunt Ethel comes out of this and back to us.
As for me, I'm back on program starting today and will not get so confident or comfortable that I relapse into old habits of emotional eating. I never realized it before but I guess I am addicted to food, some people use drugs or alcohol to cope with emotions...I use chocolate, ice cream and bread.
I will take responsibility and do what I need to, including acknowledging my feelings as they come, watching that I don't try to suppress them with food and deal with them in a healthy manner.
well, its time to get this day moving, I'm in a much better place than i was in the beginning of this post and I leave you with a positive quote.
"Change the story and you change perception; change perception and you change the world." ~ Jean Houston.
Have a fantastic day; call your parents and tell them how much you love them too!
The Fat Chick
Bottom line my weight is 180.4 lbs, I took responsibility for it and identified behaviors that led to it, including my emotional eating to cope with my 91 yr old Aunt (Mom's eldest sister) being in the hospital, in an induced coma and on a respirator. Tomorrow they are going to try to ween her off and hopefully bring her out of the coma. I really hate how I can be in a blogging role, peeling back layers of emotion and getting real, and then BAM the site just freezes and all is lost. I really shouldn't have to type my entry in word and then copy and paste into CK but apparently I do! I was in such a peaceful place this morning and now I feel pissed and negative, I have to recover so excuse my lashing out but it really does piss me off!
I know, this site working or not, is nothing compared to my Aunt being in a coma but I'm angry about that too; she has a rare lung disease, so rare they don't know how to treat it, so this may not even work. Prayer and her will to fight is all we have. Her condition is stirring up emotions from when Mom was in the coma, she never came out or off the respirator, it was just last year and the emotions are so raw.
My heart aches for my cousins and for Mom's other two sisters who are doing their best to cope and be there for my cousins (as they were for us). I can't even imagine what it must be like to loose one sister and then a year later, having the other in a coma and waiting to see if she is strong enough or if the doctors were right. my family is hurting right now, emotions are running high. We are very close, my Aunt lived 3 houses down from us, my Uncle passed from cancer when I was just 6 months old, so she is all my cousins have had; we were lucky enough to have my dad until my mid twenties but they only had their Mom growing up. She was a registered nurse and supported her 9 kids on her own but she and my parents shared parenting duties for my cousins and us. My Dad did his best to be a father figure for my cousins and of course was a role model, we were always together...seriously, daily. sometimes it felt like we couldn't get away from each other but now as an adult, I look back on those days with such joy in my heart.
I pray for my Aunt and that my cousins and her sisters don't suffer like my Mom did or like we did watching Mom slowly deteriorate. I pray that my Aunt pulls out of this and if not, she passes quickly, to spare my cousins the pain and helplessness we felt. I pray that my family is spared from suffering, I pray Aunt Ethel comes out of this and back to us.
As for me, I'm back on program starting today and will not get so confident or comfortable that I relapse into old habits of emotional eating. I never realized it before but I guess I am addicted to food, some people use drugs or alcohol to cope with emotions...I use chocolate, ice cream and bread.
I will take responsibility and do what I need to, including acknowledging my feelings as they come, watching that I don't try to suppress them with food and deal with them in a healthy manner.
well, its time to get this day moving, I'm in a much better place than i was in the beginning of this post and I leave you with a positive quote.
"Change the story and you change perception; change perception and you change the world." ~ Jean Houston.
Have a fantastic day; call your parents and tell them how much you love them too!
The Fat Chick
3 comments so far.
3.
a decade ago
sometimes it's your internet connection and not the site. I just do a quick cntrl + A to select everything and then a ctrl + C to copy it before I click post jut to be sure.
by DONZI
2.
a decade ago
I planned all my meals and already logged
YES, my Grand son was born April 14th at 206pm 8pounds 6 ounces
both did great! and man is it ever awesome to hold that little bundle
I'm trying very hard to except that Dad wants me to play a different roll in his care, and really it is good that my little brother takes on more (since he gets money weekly from dad)
Back at it girl
by SYDNEY
1.
a decade ago
It's a process!!! You sounds alot like me when it comes to *what gets in the way* i tend to take care of others and other things THEN get back to me.
:hi:
:kiss:
even with me being down and close to dropping out of the 170's.....i have been here 8 weeks now. it's time to recommit, re-organize find my focus and see my sights on the prize i once wanted.
come on!! we can do this!!
by SYDNEY