Yesterday I recommitted to myself, my health, my well being, my journey and my personal growth with the understanding I alone am responsible for my own happiness. I can no longer allow myself to become consumed by others poor choices even if they negatively effect those I love. I can’t allow them to work through their issues and drag me along for the ride emotionally; I can’t allow them to suck me in. I am a helper, rescuer, be there with you through thick and thin kind of personality and when someone needs me and asks for my help, I give it with every ounce of my being but don’t do the same for myself. Things must change, they will and they are going to – today, I am drawing a line in the sand, a circle around my feet and I will worry about and help what is in that circle, “me”.

Yesterday I negotiated a deal at the gym for discounted training sessions, I was partly able to do this because they messed up on a marketing piece and advertised the 30 minute session pricing for 6 and 12 packs without disclosing it was in fact 30 minute sessions, not the 1 hour sessions they were selling. So we reached a compromise and I was able to purchase 24 sessions at the same pricing I used to get back in 2007, plus they gave me 2 additional sessions free (part of the original deal), so I saved $ 15 per session. With the sessions I had remaining and the new ones, I am now committed to training until at least August 25th.

I am turning the focus back to me, I will still be supportive to others; however, if it is going to negatively impact me or my environment or somehow delay or deter my work on myself, then I will have to step back. It is too easy for me to get caught up in trying to help others when they ask…it’s hard to say no, I feel guilt, as though by doing so, I’m sending a message that they aren’t valuable to me and that is not the case. It’s really hard to step out of that role.

Elle started me on the new routine Tuesday and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to do it since I had been out of the gym for two weeks but to my surprise I did it and I did all of it…with one exception because it pulled on my back but she modified it and I was good to go. She is postponing my weigh-in until 5/16 because I’ve been a little distracted by other situations around me and I haven’t been giving myself the attention I deserve or need. I go back tonight, I’m so excited!

This morning I was brushing my hair in the mirror and noticed an actual muscle moving in my bicep…all I could think was “where did that come from?” Then I noticed I had a nice shape to my arms and was honestly surprised, I’ve been in the mirror every morning and night brushing my hair and teeth but never noticed before…hmmm…how long did my arms look this nice? I know it seems odd but seriously I didn’t see it until this morning. This gave me an extra boost of determination; I am driven to get back on track and becoming mentally focused on my wellbeing again.

So in essence the Fat Chick is back! I found the motivation and determination I had at the beginning and I have never been more focused on meeting my goals. I would like to be at my goal fitness level and whatever weight comes with that by August 25th. I may buy more just to have a once a month or twice a month check in but for now August 25th is my goal date.

So now I leave you with a few positive bits that speak to what I’m feeling, courtesy of someone special in my life at theblissfollower.com

“When I dare to be powerful- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less important whether I am afraid.” – Audre Lorde

“The Key to becoming world-class in your endeavors is to build your performance around world-class routines. It can be difficult, even futile, to predict or control what will show up in the middle of your workday. But you can almost always control how your day starts and ends. I have routines for both.” – Darren Hardy

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.” – Golda Meir

Have an empowering day!