I am so exhausted today; even though I’m sleeping through the night, the quality of my sleep is just not there. All that’s going on with my FIL is emotionally and mentally draining, he has added emotional extortion to his manipulation techniques. I get it, he’s afraid, no one wants to be in the rehab\nursing home but it’s temporary and he is very ill, we do not posses the medical skills to provide safe and proper medical care for him. We are hiring a live-in caregiver, he may be well enough to come home in a few weeks but only time will tell.

Yesterday he was transported over to the hospital for a wound check and tried to get the doctor to admit him to the hospital, his manipulation attempts are becoming more desperate and we are also concerned dementia is beginning as well; his short term memory is not so good. This helps us to see his lies, because he can’t keep his stories straight for more than 5 minutes. He sits and schemes, everyday he tries something new.

I see the stress this is putting on my husband too, he is not open to meditating but he prays every night. I’m meditating up to three times a day on bad days, so my stress is manageable I guess, but my sleep quality is poor and that is scary for me because lack of sleep with stress, makes the perfect storm for a seizure. I’m doing my best to eat high energy foods and trying to get to bed earlier but since early July, I haven’t yet been able to wake feeling rested.

I’m just too tired to think about how tired I am, so I’m going to go see if herbal green tea with pomegranate will help energize me enough to get through the next 6 ½ hours. I just needed to vent a little I guess…I’m hoping letting this out helps me to release some of what is blocking me from quality sleep.

Have a great day!