LEIDEN's CalorieKing blog
Wednesday, Oct 7 2009 - Even the source says my hiphops a vortex...
View LEIDEN's food & exercise for this day
Before and afters! I uploaded them here and also on my photobucket, because the images here are quite small.
The "before" was taken a little over a year ago after a comedy show featuring Rich Voss. I think it was maybe 2-3 months after I had surgery. So I'm pushing around 380 right here.
http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee220/gsleiden/fatme.jpg
And the "after" is from a Phillies game on 8/18. Spent the day in Philly just hanging out, went to Dave and Busters and a few other places before the game. I love Philadelphia.
http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee220/gsleiden/skinnyme.jpg
http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee220/gsleiden/sm3.jpg
http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee220/gsleiden/sme2.jpg
http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee220/gsleiden/sme4.jpg
The last link makes me look like I'm about 45 rather than 23, and it makes me laugh every time I see it. Shots are bad.
Yep, that's that. This is the first time I've actually looked at photos like this, ya know, before and after. I've tried staying away from them because it's still a bit embarrassing to me. I know I should be proud and all that jive, but it's hard. Trust me, I love where I'm at now in comparison, but over all there is a lot of ill feelings linked towards being that heavy. I'd much rather forget than be proud.
Enough of the pity party.
I need a damned hair cut. I've been getting my hair cut pretty much the same way since I was a young lad. I think I'm going to just goto a new salon and tell one of the lovely ladies to do what she will with my head. I need more changes in my life, and it's all about the little things right? I nearly shave my head anyway, so if I hate what she does - it'll be easy to fix.
I think my hair is the last thing I really need to do (aside from the aforementioned body lift). I've already changed my wardrobe. I'm in the process of changing my socialization/communication abilities; and by this - I mean not being so stand offish and on guard all the time. I may have tattoos and look angry, but I'm not - and I need to start showing that some how. I'm trying really hard to be approachable and the friendly guy. Because I am. I still have fat guy syndrome when it comes to being in public though, so it makes it hard to meet new people.
I put a post up on the forums about how I'm transferring colleges next fall. I think my desire to be a different person has a lot to do with wanting to move half way across the country. While I'm here in Pennsylvania, at the school I started this journey at, pretty much everyone knows me. There is no real room for growth. I feel like I need this change to be someone else. But I worry if I'll actually accomplish it.
Will I move away and be the same person? Will I move away and be who I really am? What's stopping me from being that person now?
It's the social order, really.
How odd would it be if someone you've known for years, just on a whim, did a complete 180 with his attitude and demeanor? I'm not saying with your friends and family, obviously - but just the people you are around on a daily basis, the people you make small talk with, the people you want to get to know but don't.
Once I gain more self confidence and achieve actual realization that most people have the same fears I do - it'll be easier. I just think it'll be maybe a tiny bit easier somewhere else. Where I can start over.
Everyones wanted to start over at one point in their lives, haven't they?
It seems like every time I've tried to be that different guy, it never works out. Some days I'll have that extra confidence I need to be the "real me" at school or at work - and it just doesn't feel right. Maybe that's not the real me. Maybe that just is me in those situations; which would be unfortunate.
Just be a different person if you're hurting inside.
That phrase has been lurking in the back of my mind for awhile, but actually making the changes to do that is harder than it sounds. I don't know what else to do except to keep trying. Sooner or later it'll just emerge. Maybe I just need that extra boost, something to click inside me, but what it is?
God this post was dramatic.
Food intake was pretty good yesterday. Didn't get as much protein in as I usually do, and I ended up snacking twice instead of once. But it didn't hurt me too bad, still around 1200 calories on the day which makes me happy. Plus I worked out as well, so I actually feel pretty good about yesterday. I'll probably have a light work out today, maybe not even goto the gym - just go for a walk with my dog or something. I found a nice little block that loops around into a full circle thats about three miles, which isn't a bad little walk to take. It just depends on if this wind dies down. It's pretty nasty here right now.
Maybe I won't do anything today except goto class than come back and veg out. I had a pretty long weekend and today feels like it's going to be the first short day I have had in a week - so maybe I owe it to myself to just take the day to relax and reflect.
I have tomorrow off work too, but a couple classes I must attend - and they are later in the day so it's not going to be as laid back. Who knows, we'll just see where the day takes me. Maybe I'll get the courage to talk to this chick I've been scoping out in my math class
The "before" was taken a little over a year ago after a comedy show featuring Rich Voss. I think it was maybe 2-3 months after I had surgery. So I'm pushing around 380 right here.
http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee220/gsleiden/fatme.jpg
And the "after" is from a Phillies game on 8/18. Spent the day in Philly just hanging out, went to Dave and Busters and a few other places before the game. I love Philadelphia.
http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee220/gsleiden/skinnyme.jpg
http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee220/gsleiden/sm3.jpg
http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee220/gsleiden/sme2.jpg
http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee220/gsleiden/sme4.jpg
The last link makes me look like I'm about 45 rather than 23, and it makes me laugh every time I see it. Shots are bad.
Yep, that's that. This is the first time I've actually looked at photos like this, ya know, before and after. I've tried staying away from them because it's still a bit embarrassing to me. I know I should be proud and all that jive, but it's hard. Trust me, I love where I'm at now in comparison, but over all there is a lot of ill feelings linked towards being that heavy. I'd much rather forget than be proud.
Enough of the pity party.
I need a damned hair cut. I've been getting my hair cut pretty much the same way since I was a young lad. I think I'm going to just goto a new salon and tell one of the lovely ladies to do what she will with my head. I need more changes in my life, and it's all about the little things right? I nearly shave my head anyway, so if I hate what she does - it'll be easy to fix.
I think my hair is the last thing I really need to do (aside from the aforementioned body lift). I've already changed my wardrobe. I'm in the process of changing my socialization/communication abilities; and by this - I mean not being so stand offish and on guard all the time. I may have tattoos and look angry, but I'm not - and I need to start showing that some how. I'm trying really hard to be approachable and the friendly guy. Because I am. I still have fat guy syndrome when it comes to being in public though, so it makes it hard to meet new people.
I put a post up on the forums about how I'm transferring colleges next fall. I think my desire to be a different person has a lot to do with wanting to move half way across the country. While I'm here in Pennsylvania, at the school I started this journey at, pretty much everyone knows me. There is no real room for growth. I feel like I need this change to be someone else. But I worry if I'll actually accomplish it.
Will I move away and be the same person? Will I move away and be who I really am? What's stopping me from being that person now?
It's the social order, really.
How odd would it be if someone you've known for years, just on a whim, did a complete 180 with his attitude and demeanor? I'm not saying with your friends and family, obviously - but just the people you are around on a daily basis, the people you make small talk with, the people you want to get to know but don't.
Once I gain more self confidence and achieve actual realization that most people have the same fears I do - it'll be easier. I just think it'll be maybe a tiny bit easier somewhere else. Where I can start over.
Everyones wanted to start over at one point in their lives, haven't they?
It seems like every time I've tried to be that different guy, it never works out. Some days I'll have that extra confidence I need to be the "real me" at school or at work - and it just doesn't feel right. Maybe that's not the real me. Maybe that just is me in those situations; which would be unfortunate.
Just be a different person if you're hurting inside.
That phrase has been lurking in the back of my mind for awhile, but actually making the changes to do that is harder than it sounds. I don't know what else to do except to keep trying. Sooner or later it'll just emerge. Maybe I just need that extra boost, something to click inside me, but what it is?
God this post was dramatic.
Food intake was pretty good yesterday. Didn't get as much protein in as I usually do, and I ended up snacking twice instead of once. But it didn't hurt me too bad, still around 1200 calories on the day which makes me happy. Plus I worked out as well, so I actually feel pretty good about yesterday. I'll probably have a light work out today, maybe not even goto the gym - just go for a walk with my dog or something. I found a nice little block that loops around into a full circle thats about three miles, which isn't a bad little walk to take. It just depends on if this wind dies down. It's pretty nasty here right now.
Maybe I won't do anything today except goto class than come back and veg out. I had a pretty long weekend and today feels like it's going to be the first short day I have had in a week - so maybe I owe it to myself to just take the day to relax and reflect.
I have tomorrow off work too, but a couple classes I must attend - and they are later in the day so it's not going to be as laid back. Who knows, we'll just see where the day takes me. Maybe I'll get the courage to talk to this chick I've been scoping out in my math class
2 comments so far.
2.
a decade ago
I totally second Paperback on this. Just talk to her, ask her out for coffee. The worst that can happen is she says no and you just move on.
:)
I understand the 180 degree turn thing too. I spent so much of my early youth hurting and angry inside that I feel like it was wasted. It wasn't until someone asked me why I was so angry that I realized I didn't want to be the person I was, and I've been working towards changing it ever since.
by MYSQRL
1.
a decade ago
Talk to her! Tomorrow may never come again!
It takes time for the heart to catch up to the brain sometimes. It will all fall in place eventually. Have patience, I know what you are talking about..in regards to doing the 180 degree turn. Having lost eighty pounds its a totally different world out there. Take care!
by PAPERBACKNOVEL