Today was a really good day. The weather finally cleared up and it was just a beautiful day. I took a 10 mile bike ride and just felt amazing. It was a hard ride because of the wind but so worth it. It was the kind of day that made me so grateful for the chance to be good to myself again. I finally able to take this journey to give myself a chance to get back that piece of mind I lost when I let my body eat into oblivion. I lost myself and wouldn't even acknowledge it.

4 moths ago I can't even imagine trying to GET ON a bike let alone go 10 miles on it. 4 months ago I tried to tell myself I didn't care WHAT I looked like but every time I looked in the mirror I hated myself. 4 months ago I was angry, hateful, resentful and mean because I hated my body and I took it out on everybody around me. 4 moths ago I looked and felt like crap and there was no hope or relief in sight. I was embarrassed to be me. I was so embarrassed when everyone thought I was pregnant and I had to tell them I wasn't, that I was just fat.

So much has changed in such a short amount of time. I love what I am doing now, I love what I am looking like, I am loving myself and my family more and I am really, really happy. I haven't been really, really happy in a very, very long time. I smile now and it means something.