YEWTREE's CalorieKing blog
Monday, Jun 22 2009 - Self Image
View YEWTREE's food & exercise for this day
I have had the gift of being thin, at least thin-ish for the first part of my life. Like many others, I began gaining after age 40, continued gaining a little faster after menopause and after finally, finally quitting smoking cigarettes I gain the obligatory 20 lbs with the no-smoking metabolism change. After no-smoking adjustment I added still a few more pounds, until my highest weight, after the 2008 holidays, was 214. Two hundred and fourteen pounds -- it is hard for me to believe I went there. After counting calories and exercising as much as I could in 2009, I've lost 21 lbs. Toot-de-toot-de-toot! I am glad of that and I'm proud. Still I'm in a place "hard for me to believe" -- that 193 is low for me and I can be proud. Low! how did I ever get here.
I know I am fortunate to be making an effort to gain control of my weight and health at this late age rather than never doing it at all. I know I am fortunate that I haven't gained even more and I could have much more to lose than my hoped for -50 lbs. But each of us can tell our story only from our perspective and history. My story is that at 193 is a number very difficult for me to believe. And -- this is going to be hard for YOU to believe -- I still think I'm thin!
Think I'm thin? What?!!! But, yes, I find that I think I'm thin. Maybe not think it, but I FEEL it, my subconscious does not recognize that I'm not the 120-lb girl I "always" have been. I am shocked when I see myself in an unexpected mirror, and a photo of myself -- who is that with the big butt? Oh, it's me. Such as the family photo taken on Mother's Day. I was so proud of my new flowered dress. I thought my haircut had grown out enough to not be too scary. I have new glasses. Oh, I was looking fine at the Mother's Day tea which Laurie and Wayne treated me to. Then the photo -- uh-oh, that dress fits ok, but does not conceal my big caboose. Is it true that I am that big? Yep, yep, yep, that's me, all of me.
OK, fine, I get to keep visiting Calorie King and the gym. I will continue reading The Beck Diet Solution and changing my mind about dieting and losing weight. I will shed more weight.
But just think, my ultimate goal weight -- 150 -- is bigger than I was with either pregnancy! All things are relative, Yvonne, all things are relative, and relative to 193, 150 is going to feel and BE thin! Yay!
I know I am fortunate to be making an effort to gain control of my weight and health at this late age rather than never doing it at all. I know I am fortunate that I haven't gained even more and I could have much more to lose than my hoped for -50 lbs. But each of us can tell our story only from our perspective and history. My story is that at 193 is a number very difficult for me to believe. And -- this is going to be hard for YOU to believe -- I still think I'm thin!
Think I'm thin? What?!!! But, yes, I find that I think I'm thin. Maybe not think it, but I FEEL it, my subconscious does not recognize that I'm not the 120-lb girl I "always" have been. I am shocked when I see myself in an unexpected mirror, and a photo of myself -- who is that with the big butt? Oh, it's me. Such as the family photo taken on Mother's Day. I was so proud of my new flowered dress. I thought my haircut had grown out enough to not be too scary. I have new glasses. Oh, I was looking fine at the Mother's Day tea which Laurie and Wayne treated me to. Then the photo -- uh-oh, that dress fits ok, but does not conceal my big caboose. Is it true that I am that big? Yep, yep, yep, that's me, all of me.
OK, fine, I get to keep visiting Calorie King and the gym. I will continue reading The Beck Diet Solution and changing my mind about dieting and losing weight. I will shed more weight.
But just think, my ultimate goal weight -- 150 -- is bigger than I was with either pregnancy! All things are relative, Yvonne, all things are relative, and relative to 193, 150 is going to feel and BE thin! Yay!
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