Been a while since I have written in this thing. Today, I am tired and feeling lazy. But I am not doing bad on the eating so that is a good thing. Been going up and down on the scale in the past months. Saw 214 and about had a heart attack. Back around 205-207. Steadily seeing the scale go down again so that is cool.
Had my mother in law inform me that my weight is genetic and that this size is fine for me. (This coming from a 120 pound, 5'6" woman that has had 7 kids.) NOT cool.
Also told me my food issues stem from my problems with my mother. (Who does she think she is? Dr. Frued? (SP?))
Granted my mom is a touchy issue with me but I am making peace with it. [I am most likely not going to see her for a long time. She is on the run and going to spend several years in prison for the abuse, neglect, and financial abuse of my step father. She also claims she is deathly ill. I say claims because she has lied to me my whole life and I do not trust her. The things I have found out would make your hair stand on end. I was trying to be there for her, but she stopped talking to me when I said I would not lie to the cops if they questioned me about her. (I am not a fan of perjury.) So I have not heard from her in a few months.]
All in all I could never keep up with the stories she would tell me and all I did was worry. So in the long run, I am better not knowing what is going on with her. I feel bad and miss having a mom but at least i am not so stressed out.
My food issues have nothing to do with her. I pig out when I want to pig out and I want to be thinner to make my self feel better about my self.
I always feel like I am never good enough for my mother in law. Her son is perfect and I am the crappy daughter in law she has to put up with. It was my fault that her son was fat for a while. (Like I held a gun to his head and made him eat.) She is the best cook. I can never bring home made stuff to holiday gatherings. There is always some excuse for me not to unless I pick some thing up from the store. ( I love to cook by the way so that is so frustrating.) She wanted to go on a family walk and I was not dressed for it (Flat sneakers) So I went home to change, got back and when I mentioned jogging ahead with my sis in law, she flipped and said everyone was walking! I got so mad I stayed put. GRR

So anyway. Lately, I try to take time for my self to stay calm and relax. I have been making better choices and stretching my calories by eating more fruit and veggies. Been making my self exercise. ( I hate exercise.)
The days i hate are the ones I have to stretch my calories over 24 hours. (tomorrow)I get up at 8 am, have the kids all day and then go to work for 12 hours and get to bed at about 7AM ish. (Hubby is doing over time and will not be home all day)

Oh well. SJ