Ok, today is my birthday and all I want is 2 excedrine and a maid. I am doing my usual house work. The hubby is getting off early today to bring home dinner and cake.
I am feeling kinda bummed, because I know I will not hear from my mom. Some times it is hard to accept that I will probably never hear from her again. I am usually ok with it but some times like on holidays and such, It bothers me.
Last night I fell asleep in tears. I am not one that likes to cry. But some where inside, I feel like I should have been a better daughter. I should have helped her be a better person. I should have taken care of my step father, when she would not. I should have shown her the right way to do things. Before they got out of hand and she had so many troubles. Now she is looking at a minimum of seven years in prison, most likely more because she is running from the law.
I guess I feel kinda lonely with out a mom. I feel like I no longer have one. I guess today makes it worse. I have been kinda mopey lately.
I am usually accepting of the whole deal. I am one that normally accepts life for what it is. I know there is nothing I can do if she does not want to talk to me.
I am going to try to have a good day. No reason to bother everyone else. I am the queen of keeping my emotions inside. Some times it makes me seem kinda cold. But that is usually because I have allot going on. I am not a huggy, touchy feely person. I am only affectionate with my sons and my husband. I still feel weird taking a hug from any of the inlaws.

Anyway, My eating has been so so. I have been kinda lazy and I really need to exercise. After a cup of coffee. lol My latest addiction.

SJ