I had a grueling work out today and it was very hard to keep going. "The Self" was in overdrive constantly at me telling me to quit. Once I almost did. I almost hit the "stop button" and quit. That scared me so bad....I can't even begin to explain what I felt about that. All I could think was that if I quit once then it would be easier to quit next time and the time after that.....soon....I wouldn't even be trying at all.

I'm shaken over that. All this work would be for nothing...I could quit once and totally loose the desire to keep trying because all I would have to do is quit again...I don't understand how I could even think about quitting......I know the temptation is always there...right under the surface but today it rose so fast and so strong and it completely caught me off guard. I wasn't even expecting it.

I had ridden my bike to town (6 miles) to work out at the gym and I know I was tired when I got there.....I had the intention of calling the DH to pick me up when I as done at the gym but after that scare...I made myself ride back home.

I could not bring myself to call him. I just couldn't. I wanted to work for it, I wanted to not be a quitter. I never want to be scared like that again.....I'm thinking about it and I'm still scared. I really and truly almost quit....how could I do that. what in the hell was going through my head?!!