Been a while since I have popped in to make an entry.
I am still reeling from yesterdays binge and not feeling the greatest. I put away all of the candy so I cannot see it and want it. A couple of weeks no sugar is going to feel like for ever.
I know that stress has been messing with my diet. I am cranky and avoiding people. I can always yap on the net but people in general irritate me right now. Thankfully this time I am not taking everything out on my husband. I know that, no matter what, he's still my best friend. I do not really trust anyone, but I do trust him.
I am not good with people to start with but, right now with so much going on in my personal life, I do not feel like talking and I am a bit cranky.In the past, I blamed my lack of being social on not knowing how to deal with people and being an only child. Realistically, my weight gets in the way allot. I do not hang much with thin people because I always compare my self to them. Pretty people make me feel like a hag etc. I have to learn how to get comfortable with my self so I am not so self conscious with people. I like the net because I know your personalities not so much your looks.
I do not feel as bad as I used to, but I am still uncomfortable with my appearance. I am growing my hair out in its natural color. I am going through hair dye withdrawal. I miss my longer hair, but at least when it gets long this time it will be in decent shape. ( I will start to dye again when I go gray which could be soon, as the women in my moms family are completely gray by 40.)

I need to start exercising more. I am so afraid of extra skin with my weight loss. I want to be leaner not too muscular. I tend to gain muscle rapidly for some reason. Then my shoulders and calves get too big and I look bulky. When I was in high school, I loved having all of the muscle because I felt powerful. I was also a loner that got into a lot of fights with males and females.
I no longer have the need to fight, I just want to look good

I put allot of my self esteem into my looks. A bad hair day can make me blue.

Now today has been so so. They are working on the cable in the area and my son is home from school because of a nasty cold. All of my remedies seem to be making him feel better so him and my little one are acting like nuts. I have been cleaning since I can play music, instead of having the TV on. I LOVE music. I probably have the strangest collection of music out of anyone I know. I love The Monkeys and Three Dog Night. Jessica Simpson is the greatest. I like Nina Sky and even Sarah Evans and Shedaisy.
Music is basically like my personality. It makes no sense at all. I am a diverse person. I do not really have any favorites as they change from week to week.
I love the holidays but I am not happy until I am done shopping for Christmas.

I am doing great on my diet today. No junk at all. And I am drinking lots of water. That is one good thing. I am planning on exercising and doing house work so I should feel good about that. Time to kick back into high gear and get my self smaller.
Sarah Jean