i had a cardiologist appointment this morning. it was my first visit since i began eating better and losing weight. it is also the 1-year anniversary of my emergency angioplasty. it's amazing how quickly the time flies. the doc. was very pleased with both my weight loss and my new attitude. when i was there in march i was just about at my lowest point. i didn't think i knew how to get a handle on losing weight and didn't even have the desire to try. i was frustrated and sad. i knew my health was still in jeopardy considering i had actually gained weight since the 2 stents were inserted into my heart.

motivation is an illusive resource. at what should have been the most vulnerable eye-opening point in my life, i didn't do a thing to make changes. i let the doldrums of feeling sorry for myself get in the way of taking charge of my lifestyle to improve my health and appearance -- both of which i so desperately wanted. i guess not enough though, because the motivation didn't come until april, 2007 and i can't even tell you why that is. but i am thankful that i finally came to my senses and found my way to this website and ultimately to all of you who read my blog and share this journey with me.

i will not cry over what i didn't do, but i will celebrate what i am doing now. i think positively and feel positive that i will succeed in my quest for health, longevity and a size 14 pair of jeans! who knows i may even make it to a 12...


motivation
you can't see it
and you can't really hear it
but you can feel it
when the time is right
and you are ready
to embrace
its empowering
energy

now some may say
you do hear it
in the voices of others
encouraging you
to take charge
and do what you need to do
but if you are not ready
the words are just words
and you don't hear anything
but a push and a shove
not a care and concern

and others think
you can see it
in the actions of people
around you
who do the right things
every day
to stay healthy
and get fit
the message
in their vibrant glow
and boundless energy
if they can do it
so can you

but if you are not ready
you can’t see it
and you won’t
you only see
obsession
and selfishness
and you resent
their presence
because in a way
they make you
feel even worse
about yourself
than you already did
if there's motivation there
it's hidden in plain sight
and you will never see it
because the time
is just not right

but when you are ready
you will feel it
you will taste it
in the morning air
the empowering energy
surrounding you
lifting you out
of despair
and whispering in your ears
you can do this,
you know you can
and you will

it's inside you now
motivation
to see this through
to walk in prouder shoes
and wear a bolder smile
and brush away the naysayer
with a flip of your wrist
and believe in yourself
more than you
ever have before
because you
don't need anyone else
to tell you what to do
anymore
you have figured it out
for yourself

now you greet
words of encouragement
with a thanks
and a smile
and you keep doing
what you are doing
because you are happy
your walk has purpose
you can see a future
where there was once
only fear

and if doubts creep back
you reach inside or
reach for a friend
because now you can
hear their strength
and accept their guidance
and see their love
but most of all
you are ready to
find the wisdom
within yourself
to move the motivation
back to where it belongs
in your smile,
in your swagger
and in the face
of every new day

i believe i can do this
i know i will succeed
i am motivation
inside and out.