i won't be able to blog for the next 2 days. please, no tears with ralph's party saturday night, i have my hands full with last minute details and plans. plus we are having 4 houseguests (with a possibilities) of a 5th just emailing me today. our friends ann and carl arrive tomorrow night with 3 year old jack in tow. ralph thinks they are here for her brother's birthday (which happens to be on monday) so the ruse seems to be working so far.

i had a few things i considered as topics for today. someone started a thread in the forums regarding the games. i could have made this a rant about "if you don't like the games don't play them and um keep quiet about it. don't try to make other people feel badly for playing them and don't make it sound like they are simply useless, because i personally think they are fun, stimulating and serve a tremendous purpose in building community. we are more than the "diets" we share." but i don't want to have a negative post today, so i won't use that as a theme...

then this morning i was going to start a thread called "the one thing." but since my threads don't seem to be crowd pleasers i decided i much prefer sharing my thoughts and ideas right here. there are a lot of the obvious reasons why we want to lose weight and we talk about them all the time. but then there are so many little things too. you know the ones --things we want to do but can't. things we used to do, but don't anymore. it may be the simplest thing, but you miss it terribly!

being as heavy as i have been for the last 20 years, has severely diminished things i can do and the things i would like to try to do. of course some of the things i haven't done in awhile have a lot to do with getting older too, but mostly it's the extra tonnage i have been carting around. so if i could tell you the one thing i really want to do that i haven't done in a long time it's....are you ready? it's simply to sit in our jacuzzi tub and take a nice long luxurious soak. Unfortunately, right now i would need ralph and a forklift to get out of the tub. somehow i think that will diminish any of the relaxation i might feel from a nice long sit in a hot tub. sigh.....but i know that the day is coming soon where i will be able to do that again. and when it does, i might sit in there for a week so watch for the wrinkled prune coming to your neighborhood real soon...i am sure you will all be among the first to hear about it.

for now i will just dream about (ok and write about) "the one little thing" and perhaps a few other things that losing weight will bring back or allow me to have in my life once again. i think all of us have a little something we want to do/have again. please share?

i used to soak in the tub
all the time
with candles,
and bubbles
and soft music
lulling me
to a peaceful place
closing the door
on the world beyond
it was heaven
on earth
bliss

it's been awhile
since i enjoyed
such a treat
too afraid
to sit in the tub
scared
i would never get up
and what fun
would that be?

it's one of the things
the small things
that losing weight
will give me back
and i wanted it back
before i even
realized how much
i missed it
in my life
how sad is that?

i want to
ride my bike again
not in the gym
but down the street
on bicycle sundays
on the bronx river parkway
unafraid of falling
not embarrassed
by a butt bubbling
over the seat
to feel the breeze
the brush
across my blush
and watch the trees
changing colors
their beauty
intoxicating me

i miss sitting on the floor
cross-legged
in front of the fire
sipping hot chocolate
and cuddling
with the love of my life
but it's been awhile
since the floor
has seen my tush
you see
i have to roll around
like a contortionist
just to get comfortable
such a sight to see
and then to
pick myself up again
well reason says,
don't even think
about it now
oh the indignity of it all

i want to run up a flight of stairs
not carefully walk
unafraid of losing my breath
i want to squat down
and tie my shoes
instead of needing a chair
always needing a chair
i want my thighs
well, to be nicer thighs
so the skin doesn't touch
and i can walk in my bathing suit
without a care in the world
or another rash
need i say more?

it's taking a big effort
to get back these little things
but it's worth every step i take
every change i make
every goal i set
just to know these
little things
won't be big gaps
in my life any more

and the little things
mean more to me
than words can say
not just what i get
but what i give back



one BIG thing: I had to edit my blog to tell everyone that the cardiologist office just called with my test results. my triglycerides are way down!!! not perfect but down enough that i don't have to go on tricor (which i didn't want to do in the first place) AND my cholesterol is (drum roll please) 172 with the LDL under 130!!! I haven't had a cholesterol reading under 200 in 8 years.... yes, it's working. it really is....