WILLLOSEIT's CalorieKing blog
Tuesday, Aug 7 2007 - every picture tells a story
View WILLLOSEIT's food & exercise for this day
i know i wasn't always heavy
but i always thought i was
body image
self esteem
all players
in the game
of what i saw
versus what was real
and they usually won
my perception
was so distorted
i grew up thinking
i was huge all of the time
bigger than most
uglier than many
not worthy of love
or being loved
and so eventually
the perception
became the reality
and i did eat my way to
obesity
but that took
a very long time
as my weight
fluctuated
and i yo-yoed
down 20 pounds
up another 30
and i struggled
to love who i am
embrace my character
and be happy
the way i was
old photographs
they tell the story
better than i can
with words
the story of grace
as she faced
her demons
and dealt with trauma
and managed
to hold her head high
and smile
making others smile too
old photographs
filled with memories
the ghosts
of a painful past
the tears of
a much maligned child
who struggled with her weight
through the awkward phase
but eventually grew
to be a lovely young lady
who i didn't see
until today
old photographs
have good memories too
of holidays filled with laughter
sometimes
of birthdays adorned with balloons
sometimes
of school days filled with friendships
always
of playtime filled with jubilation
always
of growing up and moving on
finally
old photographs
they prove
what we think we were
wasn't always right
they are documentation
that the perception
of that fat, ugly child,
girl, women
was completely wrong
and the misconceptions
i have of my size
and my features
have faded with time
the only thing left
are these photos
that truly make it impossible
to live
in my distorted image
anymore
now i see
all the beauty
everyone else saw
and i can see
i wasn't always fat
i was happy
and beautiful
and full of love
old photographs
preserving the past
reminding us of where
we have been
where we really have
come from,
not where we imagined
we were
and though we cant
go back and change
the path we took
we can change the course
of our next journey
and look at the old photos
and know it is
never as bad
as we think.
though one dimensional
an old photograph shows
great depth about who we are.
The photo: taken the summer of 1978.
the hamptons; where we partied hard
and laughed until we cried and
i looked pretty darn good in those shorts...
but i always thought i was
body image
self esteem
all players
in the game
of what i saw
versus what was real
and they usually won
my perception
was so distorted
i grew up thinking
i was huge all of the time
bigger than most
uglier than many
not worthy of love
or being loved
and so eventually
the perception
became the reality
and i did eat my way to
obesity
but that took
a very long time
as my weight
fluctuated
and i yo-yoed
down 20 pounds
up another 30
and i struggled
to love who i am
embrace my character
and be happy
the way i was
old photographs
they tell the story
better than i can
with words
the story of grace
as she faced
her demons
and dealt with trauma
and managed
to hold her head high
and smile
making others smile too
old photographs
filled with memories
the ghosts
of a painful past
the tears of
a much maligned child
who struggled with her weight
through the awkward phase
but eventually grew
to be a lovely young lady
who i didn't see
until today
old photographs
have good memories too
of holidays filled with laughter
sometimes
of birthdays adorned with balloons
sometimes
of school days filled with friendships
always
of playtime filled with jubilation
always
of growing up and moving on
finally
old photographs
they prove
what we think we were
wasn't always right
they are documentation
that the perception
of that fat, ugly child,
girl, women
was completely wrong
and the misconceptions
i have of my size
and my features
have faded with time
the only thing left
are these photos
that truly make it impossible
to live
in my distorted image
anymore
now i see
all the beauty
everyone else saw
and i can see
i wasn't always fat
i was happy
and beautiful
and full of love
old photographs
preserving the past
reminding us of where
we have been
where we really have
come from,
not where we imagined
we were
and though we cant
go back and change
the path we took
we can change the course
of our next journey
and look at the old photos
and know it is
never as bad
as we think.
though one dimensional
an old photograph shows
great depth about who we are.
The photo: taken the summer of 1978.
the hamptons; where we partied hard
and laughed until we cried and
i looked pretty darn good in those shorts...
15 comments so far.
15.
a decade ago
I needed this post today. Thanks Judy
by PEANUT
14.
a decade ago
You touch my heart with your prose and poems- a connection. You said it all for all of us! Body images are so elusive! My pictures now are the ones that are hard to look at. The ones from years ago look so good! I think we all had those same cutoff shorts- something like the " Sisterhood of the traveling pants"? Everyone looked great in them. I even took them on my honeymoon! It is nice to have a new sisterhood here!
;)
by SHARMON
13.
a decade ago
I have some of those pics, too. What I wouldn't give to be as "fat" as I was in high school!
:)
by ZUMBALOVE
12.
a decade ago
This is so true. Why did I think I was heavy? I think people's comments helped. I have always have had an hour glass figure. I think it is the populous need for the straight up and down and size 000. Great poem.
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:)Rona
You looked smashing in those shorts and really cute.
by RSW
11.
a decade ago
Hi Grace
:wave1: What a great post today! I was looking at pictures of my old self as well this past weekend! It's sad, isn't it, how we don't really live in the moment - always wanting to be something we're not & never realizing how great we are right NOW. What a great picture from 1978! I had cut offs like that too! They were the shiznit back then 
:) I hope your day is going well 
:)
by LESLIEC
10.
a decade ago
by JUSTPATTI
9.
a decade ago
Yeah, I look back at pics and think dang, I wish I looked like that when I only THOUGHT I was fat. Hope you are having a good day!
by DIMPLEGRIN1
8.
a decade ago
First of all, did you realize you said you took off your "crappy" pants???? LOL And I certainly hope you're not seriously going to put them on again today, regardless of how hot it gets!
:) 
:) I love your poem, and what you say is so true about our becoming what we perceive ourselves to be. Photographs, given some time, bring our perception into the reality realm. Stay cool, Grace. After all, I wouldn't want you to have to put those crappy pants back on. 
:)
by BUN201
7.
a decade ago
Wonderful post and great pic! Look at that hair! You were/are a hot momma! Hope you're having a great day. Sue
by MEDIASUE
6.
a decade ago
Grace,
:)
I've been there too. When I first met Scott I was 125 and thought I was so heavy! What a moron. Now I wish I was that 125. We are all in this together
by DAWNNSCOTT
5.
a decade ago
Another gem, Grace!
:love: These old houses are beautiful and unique and have character ... but man-oh-man are they costly to renovate (or "rehab" as we say here in Baltimore 
;)). I've heard great things about Dress for Success --- very cool that you donated your suits there. I'd love to see pictures of your house ... I bet it looks awesome. I'm still not over the sticker shock of house revonations, though! 
:o
by LOSEWEIGHTIN10
4.
a decade ago
You have the key to this mystery of weight loss. Loving ourselves enough to do the right things for ourselves. You were and are today beautiful. It's hard to believe you ever thought otherwise. So glad to have your blog back. You were sorely missed.
by GWENDOLYN
3.
a decade ago
by BIGGRAMMA
2.
a decade ago
Awesome post Grace. Have a wonderful day
:)
by TEXSKH05
1.
a decade ago
I am without words today, Grace. Fortunately, yours speak for (and to) me this morning. I am grateful.
by REV