WILLLOSEIT's CalorieKing blog
Monday, Aug 13 2007 - my tale of two tomorrows
View WILLLOSEIT's food & exercise for this day
it is actually sunday evening, but i am writing my blog for tomorrow. i will be away most of the day spending time with my dad. he needs to get out of the house. when i was with my parents on saturday i could see how depressed he is. because of my mom's dementia, they don't really go anywhere and he is not one to do anything by himself. as much as he wants to get out he would never leave my mother's side. so with the help of a little white lie (which my mom will soon forget because of her disease) i will take my dad out for the day. he is so excited. he doesn't show much emotion but i could see it in his eyes when i left their house saturday night. we'll go to the new casino in yonkers. it just has the video poker and slot machines but he loves them both. i know he will get lost in the games for hours and i am fine with that. it keeps his mind sharp and if he loses some money so be it. it's his only vice and he doesn't get to enjoy it that much anyway. so i say let him play. and i will be happy for him.
i have been thinking about how different my tomorrow looks since i started losing weight. 4 months ago all i could think about was how unhealthy i had become and that i wouldn't have much to look forward to in the future. i also looked at my tomorrow as an excuse for not starting something today. i would always think, Ill start tomorrow, i still have time and just one more big splurge before i begin to get healthy. of course that tomorrow never came until april 15, 2007.
now, i look at my tomorrow so differently. i live in the moment, but look to a future that is bright with possibilities and life. i am now longer afraid of where i will be 10 months from now or even 10 years from now. i have control of my destiny and i am thankful every day for the choice i finally made to get myself together and get healthy. so it is with great joy that i share my tale of two tomorrows with you.
for the longest time
i couldn't face tomorrow
i stopped thinking about
where i was going
because every time i did
i became frightened
by my own mortality
that seemed closer
than ever before
a sad future
without the vim
and joy
i had always
envisioned for me
when i retired
for the longest time
tomorrow never came
when i thought
about making changes
and doing what i needed to do
to get myself in shape
for living a long
and healthy life
i would go to sleep
so many nights
convinced the morning
would bring resolution
but it never did
and i continued
blindly continued
down an ugly path
leading me somewhere
i couldn't bear to face
so i just closed my eyes
and pretended it wasn't there
but it was,
oh, how close it was
and then
one day
like no other day
i saw things
as i had never seen them before
i felt more helpless
than i had ever imagined
this was rock bottom
i finally knew i was there
and almost
down for the count
i struggled
and fought back
and cried
and cried some more
because i knew
my tomorrow
was finally here
and my destiny
was in my own hands
and no one
was going to change me
except me
and so
with all the courage
i could muster
i took that very first step
that small step
and devised a plan
to just start eating better
nothing exact
no particular program
just healthy choices
and eating less
it was just enough
to turn the light on
because thats how it felt
it had been so dark
for so long
but something else
happened to me too
i began to feel something
i hadnt felt for a very long time
you see
i began to
believe in myself again
and all the possibilites of me
and a future
my future
bright,
cheerful,
full of life
full of living
and so
i cried again,
but this time they
were healthy tears
tears filled with hope
and a promise
that i wouldn't give up
and i won't
because now
i know my tomorrow
is something worth
fighting for
so tomorrow
i wait for you
with open arms
i see good things
in the days
and years ahead
i see where i have been
and won't go back
i see all the things
i almost missed
because i thought
tomorrow
would never come
at least a tomorrow
i wanted to live in
but now i know
it will
and it will be
everything i want it to be
maybe even more
i live for today
but see my tomorrow
and it is something to behold
the photo: several people have asked to see photos of my house and some of the improvements. this is where we were two weeks ago. since then the stone wall along the driveway is completed as well as the belgium block trim. in my after photo i have placed a picture from several years ago, so you can see how far we have come with the house. i guess it is just like losing weight. progress is slow, but worth it...have a wonderful day..
i have been thinking about how different my tomorrow looks since i started losing weight. 4 months ago all i could think about was how unhealthy i had become and that i wouldn't have much to look forward to in the future. i also looked at my tomorrow as an excuse for not starting something today. i would always think, Ill start tomorrow, i still have time and just one more big splurge before i begin to get healthy. of course that tomorrow never came until april 15, 2007.
now, i look at my tomorrow so differently. i live in the moment, but look to a future that is bright with possibilities and life. i am now longer afraid of where i will be 10 months from now or even 10 years from now. i have control of my destiny and i am thankful every day for the choice i finally made to get myself together and get healthy. so it is with great joy that i share my tale of two tomorrows with you.
for the longest time
i couldn't face tomorrow
i stopped thinking about
where i was going
because every time i did
i became frightened
by my own mortality
that seemed closer
than ever before
a sad future
without the vim
and joy
i had always
envisioned for me
when i retired
for the longest time
tomorrow never came
when i thought
about making changes
and doing what i needed to do
to get myself in shape
for living a long
and healthy life
i would go to sleep
so many nights
convinced the morning
would bring resolution
but it never did
and i continued
blindly continued
down an ugly path
leading me somewhere
i couldn't bear to face
so i just closed my eyes
and pretended it wasn't there
but it was,
oh, how close it was
and then
one day
like no other day
i saw things
as i had never seen them before
i felt more helpless
than i had ever imagined
this was rock bottom
i finally knew i was there
and almost
down for the count
i struggled
and fought back
and cried
and cried some more
because i knew
my tomorrow
was finally here
and my destiny
was in my own hands
and no one
was going to change me
except me
and so
with all the courage
i could muster
i took that very first step
that small step
and devised a plan
to just start eating better
nothing exact
no particular program
just healthy choices
and eating less
it was just enough
to turn the light on
because thats how it felt
it had been so dark
for so long
but something else
happened to me too
i began to feel something
i hadnt felt for a very long time
you see
i began to
believe in myself again
and all the possibilites of me
and a future
my future
bright,
cheerful,
full of life
full of living
and so
i cried again,
but this time they
were healthy tears
tears filled with hope
and a promise
that i wouldn't give up
and i won't
because now
i know my tomorrow
is something worth
fighting for
so tomorrow
i wait for you
with open arms
i see good things
in the days
and years ahead
i see where i have been
and won't go back
i see all the things
i almost missed
because i thought
tomorrow
would never come
at least a tomorrow
i wanted to live in
but now i know
it will
and it will be
everything i want it to be
maybe even more
i live for today
but see my tomorrow
and it is something to behold
the photo: several people have asked to see photos of my house and some of the improvements. this is where we were two weeks ago. since then the stone wall along the driveway is completed as well as the belgium block trim. in my after photo i have placed a picture from several years ago, so you can see how far we have come with the house. i guess it is just like losing weight. progress is slow, but worth it...have a wonderful day..
12 comments so far.
12.
a decade ago
Hope you had a great day with your dad. Your house is lovely. Your blog is so insightful. It touches me how you speak so eloquently for so many of us. Thank you.
by GWENDOLYN
11.
a decade ago
by KRITTI
10.
a decade ago
by LOSEWEIGHTIN10
9.
a decade ago
I take my grandmother to these casinos also. She loves them, and I agree, her money and let her enjoy spending it. You have a wonderful time with your father.
by LUCKYDUCK2
8.
a decade ago
by JUSTPATTI
7.
a decade ago
Hope you're having a great time at the casino. Wish I were there too!
by TREE
6.
a decade ago
Hi Grace
:wave1: ! How nice that you get to spend some time with your Dad. I'm sure he is loving seeing you & getting time out & about. I love your house!! I grew up in New York & often miss the massive old trees and overall architectural style there. You've done a lot of work to it & I'm sure it'll be very comfortable when you're all done. Thanks for your comments on my blog. You've given me something to think about! I am such a worry wart. Sometimes you just gotta let go... I hope you're having a wonderful day 
:)
by LESLIEC
5.
a decade ago
by BIGGRAMMA
4.
a decade ago
Getting to know you. Getting to know all about you. You are my cup of ..........................................................
Thanks for sharing. ...................Ka ching ka ching that is your Dad winning at the machines.
by RSW
3.
a decade ago
Grace beautiful blog as usual enjoy the time with your dad
:)
by TEXSKH05
2.
a decade ago
I don't need to blog today....just write "see Grace's blog comments!" Sorry.
by BUN201
1.
a decade ago
by BUN201