good afternoon lovely ladies,

last night i was so tired that i was actually in bed by 10:30 pm. for me, that might as well be 7:00 pm because i am such a night owl. i am not quite sure why, but it felt great to get a good long night's sleep. i woke up a couple of times for the usual bathroom breaks and woke up at 9:00 am feeling very refreshed. i'll have to try that more often.

ralph and i just returned from a leisurely lunch and now i am headed up to my office to start scanning photos for marianne's photo board. this will take me the rest of the day to complete and a good part of tomorrow, but at least i don't have to hide the process like i did for ralph's party.

saturday is my niece's shower in the afternoon and marianne's surprise party at night, so i won't be around at all. we have to leave our house by 10:00 am because i will have to drop the photo boards off at marianne's parents' house. it's sort of out of the way, but i have to do it. otherwise, they won't get to the party before marianne does, because we are going to the restaurant together (she thinks it's just us going out for dinner). oh another tangled web we are weaving.

i decided to do the cooking for my parents' anniversary celebration on september 15th. it's just 16 people, so it's not that bad. i can control the ingredients and cook everything the day before or morning of the gathering. ralph thinks i am crazy, but i really want to do it. i just have so much more energy now. i need to use it up...

i have a friend who had emergency angioplasty this past may 1st. since then she has discovered she has some fibroid tumors on her ovaries that are giving her all sorts of problems. she can't even go out of the house during her periods (which now last 8 to 10 days each month) because the flow is incredible. to make matters worse, it's fixable but they won't operate until after may 1st next year, because of the stents. so it's become a temporary quality of life issue. she has been relying on me to send some of my post-angioplasty calmness her way because she is not dealing well with any of it. they also found a mass on her breast (which turned out to be nothing) but she needed to go through something else to worry about like i need to gain my weight back! she is worried about her heart and stressed all the time. so much so, that she has chest pains that bring her to the cardiologist’s office every other week. why am i telling you all of this? well, i had a long conversation with annamarie yesterday about dealing with the stress (which is what the doctor told her she needs to get a handle on) and what she can do to start looking at the glass as half full instead of half empty all the time.

i equated it to the fear tactics many politicians use regarding iraq and terrorists. imagine someone who already had a fear of getting on a plane? now that same person is scared to death to travel and by being that way, well the terrorists win! you stop enjoying life because of an irrational fear. she has stopped enjoying life because of an irrational fear too. i can understand some of the stress because of all the other things that have happened to her since, but none of it is life threatening and really the stents should be giving her a new energy about living! she came around to seeing things my way to some degree, but she still needs some other coping mechanism.

i am not sure if i am enough of a counselor and suggested she talk to a professional. apparently, her doctor feels that way too. but she is not a therapist type person (so she says) and can't see herself opening up to a stranger, so for now i am the shoulder she is leaning on. i am ok with it, i just wish i could help her better to deal with this awful and unnecessary stress and worry she has burdened herself with. i don't have anything to offer accept a little understanding and a different point of view. it's all i can do.


it's so easy
to think the worse
to see the shadow
instead of the sun
behind the clouds
it's so sad
to feel life
has thrown you
only the bones
when you
have a feast
all around you
but you just
can't see it
through your fears

it's heartbreaking
when life is
complicated
by simple things
and you feel trapped
by demons
that you create
with irrational worries
and imagined fate
of a tomorrow
that will never come
but you think about it
anyway
every day
and you are
paralyzed
to see things
any other way

it's impossible
to feel happy
when you
think sadness
is your destiny
and there are grounds
in your coffee
and shells in your eggs
and the milk
has soured
as your heart sinks
to face another day

stress
some stress
is ok
we deal
we cope
we take charge
and make the best
of whatever comes are way
but too much stress
or stress, that we make
too much of
can ruin
the sun in the morning
and destroy
our sleep
at night
if we let it,
but don't let it
please,
don't let it

be gone
bad feelings
be gone
unreasonable doubts
stand tall
and gather
your strength
for it is there
for you to move forward
and think good thoughts
and enjoy the good
through the bad
because
that's the way
it's supposed to be

be happy
with the cards
the hand you must play
be content
with the world
you share
and make it better
with kind words
and good thoughts
and positive energy
and live
through all your challenges
and life will be
wonderful,
joyful,
benign
and worth living
again
like it was always
meant to be

stress is too many emotions
working against each other
let go and you will fly.