i love my life
and the people i know
i love to laugh
bring joy where i go

i tell the truth
and speak my mind
i share my thoughts
but never unkind

i walk in the sunshine
i frolic in the rain
i'll make snow angels
this winter again

but as much as i love
i don't often get back
especially my family
and the feelings they lack

dysfunction has damaged
us all to the core
i stopped expecting much
and don't ask any more

for friendship among siblings
is the rarest of things
especially with shared memories
and the unhappiness they bring

so i reach beyond those
whose genes i share
for kindness and love
that will never be there

i find it in friendships
so deep and so true
in abundance so lacking
and i just never knew

around my family
my confidence disappears
and around my siblings
my words on deaf ears

for lack of trying
no that is not why
just finally giving up
no more tears to cry

it is what it is
we will never be close
and we'll always be haunted
by the sad little ghost

haunted by evils
that tainted our lives
troubled by demons
that silenced our cries

abused often
and in many different ways
each of us scarred and
each of us prayed

but we didn't lean
or help each other through
and we didn't listen
so none of us ever knew

that all of us suffered
and shared the same fate
and each of us were angry
and really couldn't wait

for our childhood to end
and get on with our dreams
to chart our own course
but all was not as it seems

my parents did not hurt us
but kept everything inside
our handicapped brothers
and their brutally damaged pride

my brother, the older
still in his angry shell
his rage always towards me
my life just a living hell

through his words, that are few
i practically don't exist
through his deeds that are none
i don't even make his list

often embarrased
to be in his home
i feel left out
yes, an often alone

at the wedding, just past
his daughter my niece
i thought the day would be beautiful
and we would live in our peace

but he did not speak
one kind word to me
i didn't expect much
but hoped it could be

i should know by now
the damage is done
he blames me for his sadness
even though i am not the one

his anger, it's killing him
and there's no turning back
relationships are spoiled
it's a cold hard fact

i will never be close
to his children, i love
his wife too
i treat with kid gloves

for their souls are lost
in that dangerous zone
where the eggshells are walked on
and they just leave him alone

and so i hold my head high
despite a pain so deep
and i won't cry any more
or lose any sleep

a childhood not rosy
but they did all they could
i grew up and know
my life is very good

i don't have regrets,
but my brother, he must
he's soulless and sad
and lacks complete trust

but i can't change him
i have tried for many years
those days are behind me
i have cried my last tears

he is what he is
and my life just goes on
i am happy go lucky
i did nothing wrong

perhaps someday
when he is older and grey
he'll apologize for his anger
and how it got in the way

of being a real family
and sharing a bond
of open embraces
and getting beyond

but for now i accept
the chasm we share
and i no longer look
for something not there

yes i love my life
and all that i am
my husband so dear
and all those i call friend