it is with the best intentions that i start every day. i wake up with a pep in my step and feeling positive about my potential for success during the next 24 hours. i have a good breakfast and drink my water (did i tell you how much i am starting to hate water). everything seems to be going my way and then the first distraction comes along. today it's my mother. the home care worker just called to tell me that my mother is not eating well and is very, very sleepy. she is also more confused than usual (my phone conversation with her last night hinted at that). the doctor switched her from an oral pain medication to a transdermal patch for pain. it's a narcotic called fentanyl. it is heavy duty stuff and my online research indicates that my mother's reaction is fairly common. unfortunately, there is a fine line between "common" and "time to worry" symptoms. she only started the patch yesterday so my gut tells me to watch her carefully for the next few days. if her lethargy worsens then we might have to take action. for now, she is apparently pain-free (at least not complaining) and safe in her home.

of course, that doesn't mean i am not worried. and it doesn't mean that i won't have to take a ride to long island in the next 24 hours. all it means is that i am officially distracted and feeling sad because i never get a break! there is always something to take my focus away from my own needs! i feel selfish for saying this because i know my mother can't help her situation. but oh how i wish i didn't have to dread a phone call from my parents each time the phone rings!

the good news in this lousy day is that i haven't let this really distract me (so far) to the point of not following my eating plan. it is approaching 2:00 pm and i am still good to go. the potential is there for distraction though. now i need a distraction from my distraction!!

i weighed in and didn't lose any weight since 1/1/08, but truthfully i didn't expect to see a change. the good news is that i actually got on the scale again! i went over my calories for yesterday, but not horribly. if i were to rate yesterday i would give it a 7 out of 10 on the "i don't want to be perfect but will do my best" scale of measurement i am using to monitor my success these days. phew that's a mouthful! better my mouthfuls are words, not calories, right?

we had plans of going to see 2 movies today. we have been so behind in our movie-going through the holiday season. we often wind-up playing catch-up during january and february. we like to see as many movies as possible before the academy awards. did i tell you we love to go to the movies? especially independent or foreign films. give me an obscure well-acted film over a blockbuster any day! in no particular order the films we want to see are juno, atonement, before the devil knows you're dead, sweeney todd, charlie wilson's war, the kite runner, the great debaters, no country for old men, there will be blood, the diving bell and the butterfly and the savages. that should keep us busy until the oscars are handed out at the end of february. i keep wondering when i will win my oscar for outstanding performance by a daughter in a supporting role? something tells me i will have to settle for a lifetime achievement award at the pearly gates (perhaps not really settling at all). oh grace, please stop with the drama!

on a happier note, i would like to share a link with you to newsday.com. newsday is the long island daily paper. the "love story" of my parents commemorating their 60th wedding anniversary was published in the december 30th edition. i wrote the piece in my father's voice as a loving tribute to the endurance of their love. unfortunately, the online version doesn't include the photos that were printed with the article, but the story's essence is there even without them. i share it with great love and affection for my parents and the written word. here is the link (i think you will have to copy and paste it to your browser to get to the page):

http://www.newsday.com/services/newspaper/printedition/sunday/lilife/ny-lovestory5516557dec30,0,460936.story

time to move forward with my day. enjoy yourselves and do the best you can! you may not win any oscars today, but remember it is an honor just to be nominated!!!!