i have been spending a lot of time on long island without internet access this week. we took my mom home from the hospital late tuesday. she had a urinary infection which added to her lethergy from the fendenyl patch. the er environment (she never made it to an actual room) was just awful. she simply slipped further through the cracks each day. on sunday night i went nuts on the nurses and pcas. they left her sitting on a filthy bed pan for 45 minutes; uncomfortable and covered in fecal matter. i was trying to move her myself, but between her state of mind and my bad back it was impossible to do. i cried to one of the nurses as they tried to make me understand how busy they were. "i understand you are busy, but what if this were your mother? would you want her treated like this?" they snapped to attention then, but i was physically and emotionally drained by the time i left the hospital that night.

we made the decision to get a hospital bed for my mother at home. it's just so much easier to get her in and out of bed. this also meant purchasing a new twin bed for my dad since they still want to sleep in the same room. i coordinated all of that yesterday which meant staying overnight tuesday to wednesday.

my sister and i looked at this as a decision that had to be made and we forgot about the attachment between my parents. as they lay in bed together tuesday night, my mom still very much out of it, i overheard my dad say "mama, this is the last time we'll sleep i the same bed." i could hear the sadness in his voice and it made me realize just how emotional this change was for my father. they spent 60 years sharing the same bed. there are worse things that can happen and i know that. we are doing everything we can to keep them home together. but still it was incredibly moving to see the hands of time take away one of the last remaining joys my parents had. of course i cried too.

aging is at its best inevitable. i just wish there were a better way for us all.

dieting is out the window, but i am taking care of myself as best i can. i'll be out on long island again through tonight taking both my parents to some doctor appointments. i'll be back to write and read again late tomorrow. until then, all the best to everyone.